Comic Relief

Saskatoon, SK
2:53AM
27 December 2005

OFFICE OF TAHEREH HAJI

received word STOP attack verbeke STOP paint green van kitchen white STOP perps hindered by one P.S. STOP may attack tomorrow STOP owner be warned perps brown and perceived dangerous STOP advise appointment with auto paint shop STOP

the above is a telegram that i have just received. i do not know who owns this "green van", but i assume that "verbeke" should be quite worried at this point. i hear that the color "kitchen white" is very tacky and out dated. (if it ever was in at all... *shudders*). i suggest that the owner come forward - i may be able to assist in the efforts to pursue this conniving fiends! ~T.H.

Organized Religion - Tell us why you hate it!

Alright, guys, so this evening i was speaking to a friend of mine (hehe, yes, some real human interaction, get that!), and we were discussing organized religion and its various faults. So now i ask you the question, what's wrong with organized religion? (forget any possible good stuff.. that's for later). leave your comments.... tomorrow, i'm making a top ten reasons why OR's are a load of BS.
anyway, i'd love to hear from you!
t.h.

A word about Rumi...

well, below i've posted a favorite poem of mine by Rumi. granted, some things must have been lost in the translation, but i expect that his work is just as elusive in Arabic.
I suggest that you read it several times (if you feel like reading it at all) and think about it for a bit... then, if you wouldn't mind, i'd like to know what you think of it.
ah, yes, and for those of you who don't know, Inshallah translates into "God willing". it's Arabic, yes, but you will hear many people in the Middle East say it (persians, for example) - islam is all about submission you see.
anyway, so yeah, i certainly don't know what it means, and am quite confused as to why i like it at all... but here it is.
enjoy.
~ t.h.

INSHALLAH

By: Rumi (as translated by Coleman Barks)

Some people work and become wealthy. Others do the same and
remain poor. Marriage

fills one with energy. Another it drains. Don't trust ways.
They change. A means

flails about like a donkey's tail. Always add the gratitude
clause, if God wills. Then

proceed. You may be leading a donkey, no, a goat, no, who can
tell? We sit in a dark pit

and think we're home. We pass around delicacies. Poisoned
bait. You think this

is preachy double-talk? Those who do not breath the God
willing phrase live in a

collective blindness. Rubbing their eyes in the dark,
the ask, "Who's there?"

more thoughts on bravery and fraud...

alright, so i apologize to the poor bloke who's conversations i'm raggin on tonight... i'm sure we can discuss my actions after you've read this and decided to tell me to go to hell..

i've had several people say to me that it takes a lot of courage/bravery/whatever to post thoughts like this on the net. my thoughts in this blog are the following: what in God's Names (it strikes me that we often say Name, singular, but really, the plural form is more true) ever gave you that idea?
i had this english teacher back in high school... a lot of the students hated him, but a few of us geeks... we loved him. and the reason was simple: he made us think. we'd read something and he'd really take us into it.. almost too far, i think sometimes; however, he'd do it. and he'd say things to us, and ask us questions, and make us argue back and forth... and he'd often get this grin on his face... in retrospect, i think those were probably at the points in our discussions when one of us would make an argument that he agrees with, but would never tell us so...
over the years, i've learnt to emulate him in many ways... present ideas and concepts and arguments that disgust me, but i'm going to show anyway...
for example, i might argue here, in favor of euthansia, or whatever... and i might even use anecdotes and little conversations to back up or explain my argument or my question or whatever.. but what makes you think it's my actual opinion?
one person i said this to, replied, quite correctly, that those who don't know me well will take me for what they see. she's right, to an extent. the thing is, however, that you can't, to use a cliche, judge a book by its cover. take me for what you see: a messed up kid, questioning society and its BS and happening to write about it while she's at it. oh, and add this to the melange, and it'll really screw you over... do you really think that this little investigation of mine ends with this blog?
now, i submit to you the following: we all have a responsibility in this world to investigate truth for ourselves (whether or not you agree this statement is not for you to question - it's a fact, get over it). so investigate it. the next time you think, oh, tahereh's doing great and putting her emotions on the line, look deeper, and see me for what i really am: a damned good fake.
a friend once described himself as an impenetrable tower. while i hate phallic symbolism, this one is too good to pass up! he may be impenetrable, but mine... it's so well guarded and fortified... i have to tell you about it before you notice it.
hehehehe, and that's my fun thought of the day!

tomorrow: new poem.. this time by none other than Rumi himself!

Bravery or Fraud?

That title's not supposed to mean anything to most of you by the way.. so don't worry if it's more of a question mark for you than a laugh, thinking: i'll get her for this.... (and if you are thinking that you'll get me.. well, read on, and here's my thought for you: good luck!!! ;) )

ANYWAY!

my question today has to do with music. i've been thinking bout this matter for a while. i mean, for a while, i really wanted to pursue music as a career... hehe, unfortunately for that plan, God wills other things for me. however, some around me have pursued this, and well, my own mother is an artist (a brilliant one at that, want to see her work? email me). but i've always wondered at what gives power to music and to art.
there's this one piece (well, it's more along the pop genre so i hate to call it "piece" or "work" hehe, but i have nothing else.. it's like 2AM, sorry, folks!) that i got introduced to this past summer. we won't mention its name, but those involved in this story will know who they are... the friend that gave me a copy of it, well, i mean, the song really hit home for both of us... what's funny is this: i got another friend to listen to it yesterday, and this friend was like: it's total crap. well, i consider him sorta an expert in music, so i'm thinking, that's interesting, crap. so it got me to thinking: what makes it different for me? why does this song strike me.. and let me say, it's pretty bad, the song starts playing and you might as well just find a little corner for me and say: see ya in an hour...
so it got me to thinking...
(if my old English teachers could see how often i use the elipsis i think they'd have a crise cardiac! and yes, they'd all have the same heart attack. hehe)
i don't know if i'm explaining this well. perhaps it's like this: take the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (great book, by the way, i recommend it to you all!) or the Harry Potter series... many of us will love those books, but others won't and for different reasons. i personally find HHGG to be hilarious, and a true work of art, but then, others will not.
that brings me to my next thought... why can a book make someone laugh? it's merely an inanimate object with ink all over it... possibly some color... and it may form images... i mean, c'mon.. there's no real reason why it should cause someone to laugh, right?
anyway, so i was talking to sam about this.. whom i take all the heavy, deep questions of life to (mostly cuz she'll put up with my stupid questions and cuz we think alike - speedy gonzalez is MY line, ST!) and we came to the conclusion (or rather, she told me it, and i was like: is this a good example, and she agreed so therefore...) that music triggers memories and/or emotions (i still want to know what emotions are, really.. cuz our more primitive emotions, such as "rage" are actually controled by the hypothalamus - if i remember my physiology correctly...)
actually, if i may.. this has been all over the map.. and it's also like 3AM now (no, i haven't been writing the entire time... msn's been distracting me....) so, well, basically: why does music affect us? and, here's a thought: how and why do we classify music as great or crap? (what makes mozart so great and spice girls crap? - i'm not saying that mozart's NOT great.... but why do we classify him so? and, if any of you were considering spice girls as actual music: quit reading this blog. it isn't your type.)

Just for Sahar - My thoughts on the Irish

I have been informed that my last post was rather "heavy" and in an effort to lighten the mood, and make my overseas friend, Sahar, comment, the following has come to my mind....

See, the fact of the matter is that I, in a feeble attempt to act all tough, told Sahar that I'd say a bunch of mean things about Irish lack of spine. However, I have found that I am quite incapable of saying anything remotely harsh, as I am, in fact, in the phase of my relationship with my old friend, that after almost 5 and a half years, I now need to impress her. (insert comment of choice here - and hear me roaring in laughter. That's right ROARING!)
Anyway, let me see... Ireland. How can I describe this fair country in Middle Earth itself?
Well, if I were a typical writer of English prose, I might as well compare "her" to a summer's day... but then, well, I'm neither Shakespeare, nor a man, let alone English...
So...

Well, I tried... and I've got nothing. What I do know is a series of unrelated cool things about Ireland, and the Irish themselves, which might be quite interesting and useful tidbits of information...

1. drunk driving commercial
In Saskatchewan: show a car accident. perhaps if it's really goary, an ambulance
In Ireland: show an kid getting slaughtered by a drunk.
Do either situations work? obviously not.

2. Landscape
In Ireland: rolling green hills. the white stuff? sheep.
In SK: (In the central areas!) flat. choose between colors of either yellow or white. the white stuff? ACTUAL snow! (we don't need sheep to fake it for the tourists)

3. Religion
In Ireland: comedy's easiest scapegoat, and the country's joke.
In Canada: what we'd rather not discuss. So how bout hockey?

4. Sport
Ireland: well, it strikes me that you're quite British... so... cricketS anyone?
Canada: hell, we're so diverse everyone has their own sport and it's OK to do that! (actuall though, tis Lacrosse - we don't like eating what we play with, hehe)

and of course, last but not least:

5. Natural Resource
In Ireland: leprechaun (read: celtic) gold
In SK: actual mining and forestry resources.

So, please, take this with a grain of salt. This list is, in fact, a series of blatant exaggerations aimed at one thing only: getting Sahar to actually comment on a blog where SHE KNOWS the writer. Actually, while I was staying at her place, I started a bit of a cookbook/handbook... it's currently still in the works.

I also hope that that lightened the mood somewhat.

Baking Cookies...

Alright, well, I've been told that I don't have enough photos up... I've also been told that this is a particularly good photo of me. Well, this is what you get for now. I also plan on putting up a photo of my bedroom when I've finished spring cleaning. Tomorrow.

Anyway, so Samira says that our society is about change, and yet when someone does change, everyone goes berserk. I've found this to be true. (By the way, Sam, where can I find this wise friend of yours? I'd like to meet him/her). I've had some interesting conversations this past weekend about societal change. Some of my friends are hopefuls, while I remain ever the cynic.
I do sincerely believe that the world will have to change someday, because it needs to. However, I need proof. As usual.
Our world is extremely two faced. We have expectations of others yet we, ourselves, are not willing to fulfill that same expectation. Take as an example my post about my travels. A close friend of mine said that she liked it because it was "honest". That comment struck me as interesting, because we like others to be sincere, honest - truthful, even! Yet when was the last time that you felt comfortable being "honest" with someone? Perhaps it was with a good friend (I'm not trying to say that I'm better because my post was supposedly honest. In fact, I remind you that whether or not it's truly honest is for me to judge and you to perceive), but chances are that it was not with, perhaps, a prof at university. Our society is not built to reward honesty with its desert.
A line from Hamlet has always stuck with me. He says to Polonius, who has just stated that he'll treat the players as they deserve: "God's bodykins, man, much better! Use every man after his desert, and who should scape whipping? Use them after your own honor and dignity. The less they deserve, the more merit in your bounty. Take them in." (II, ii)
Anyway, I digress with one of my favorite lines... Oh, yes, a formal apology to Sahar: I'd use a Macbeth quotation, except for I do know in whose presence I write, and my blood freezes at the very thought!
I had was talking to another friend, just this past weekend. She's studying nursing, and she says to me that nursing students are learning to speak their mind in the workplace. So, when they see a nurse who's been on the job for 20 years and continues to use an outdated method, they should suggest the new method. I looked at her and smiled. Don't get me wrong, I hold her in the highest regard, yet I wonder at this system. Outwardly it may seem openminded and encouraging new ideas, but what do we see with every young up and comer who goes to his/her boss and says "Sir/Madam, this method is outdated" - listen, when you tell someone that you don't like their method, you're telling them off. No matter how you put it, chances are that they will take it personally. The first few times they'll let you have your fun, but after that... good luck!
No, I've had personal experience with this... Even provided my supervisor with solid proof, and while he accepted that there was an issue, he laughed off my suggestion. We're all proud of what we've accomplished, and no wet-behind-the-ears kid is going to make us look bad, right?
We're looking at a society that does not have for its primary vision the advancement of human civilization. It's merely attempting to survive. And if you're on your death bed, survival means saving as much energy as you can so that you can keep your cellular processes running. It takes a lot more energy than you think to keep your eyes blinking, your heart pumping (especially when you're sessile), and your nerves feeling.
Shoghi Effendi, who was a man of many professions, but whom I see somewhat as a visionary stated that:
"Never indeed have there been such widespread and basic upheavals, whether in the social, economic or political spheres of human activity as those now going on in different parts of the world. Never have there been so many and varied sources of danger as those that now threaten the structure of society. The following words... are indeed significant as we pause to reflect upon the present state of a strangely disordered world: "How long will humanity persist in its waywardness? How long will injustice continue? How long is chaos and confusion to reign amongst men? How long will discord agitate the face of society? The winds of despair are, alas, blowing from every direction, and the strife that divides and afflicts the human race is daily increasing. The signs of impending convulsions and chaos can now be discerned, inasmuch as the prevailing order appears to be lamentably defective." (italics added by author - T.H.)

Another thought: I've been asked several times lately who I plan on voting for. Firstly, as a Baha'i, I believe that a secret ballot is just that, secret. So, I'll treat the question lightly when I'm asked, but you'll never truly know who I support. But this I will tell you now: I haven't a clue who to vote for.
This happens to me each time an election of some sort comes about. Canditates, analysts, and the news will discuss "the issues" that whatever group they seek control of face.... But it strikes me that "the issues" don't really ever get mentioned. We discuss what each candidate will do about them, but never literally list them! Sp tell me, is abortion an issue? Taxes? Foreign policy? Or University tuition? It's like the issues have been divied up between the candidates each time. They have a dinner party where they discuss the benefits of confusing the populace by calling an election at the busiest time of the year (did it ever occur to you that if they're really all about the money, then technically, it'd be in their best interests to work together... funny thought, eh?), and they decide who will have to use which "issue" (who chooses these things? I personally don't think that abortion is a matter that I should choose a prime minister over... maybe his sex life should worry me more... and now THAT was low!) as their platform. When a platform is selected, the idea is that they don't discuss anything else. So I notice that a lot of our prospectives, when a question is asked that they can't answer (because they agreed with the others not to deal with it - that or their speechwriters didn't forsee that exact question...), they say "well, that's not a real issue that Canadians care about". Again, did anyone ask the normal, everyday Canadian? (Polls are PROVEN to be inefficient and inaccurate tools of census - take Anthropology 111).
Anyway, that's it for me today. Take care!

Poem of the Week

Deeds Not Words
by: Anonymous

A man of words and not of deeds
Is like a garden full of weeds;

And when the weeds begin to grow
It's like a garden full of snow;

And when the snow begins to fall,
It is like birds upon a wall;

And when the birds begin to fly,
It's like a shipwreck in the sky;

And when the sky begins to roar,
It's like a lion at the door;

And when the door begins to crack,
It's like a stick across your back;

And when your back begins to smart,
It's like a penknife in your heart;

And when your heart begins to bleed,
Oh then you're dead and dead indeed!

Comment Deletion

Just a quick note:
I just realized that somehow a comment was deleted. I swear that I do not know how this happened, but I'm working on retreiving it and reposting it myself - to maintain a spirit of openness.. if there's one thing I dislike, it's censorship!
To this person: I am extremely sorry. There's not much more I can really say.

My Summer Travels

So, I do believe that what I haven't done to date is give everyone a full explanation of my travels, or told the story. Perhaps I'm just nostalgic at this point in my sad excuse for a life. But then, perhaps this is my way of getting some closure. I tell this story without expectation of anything in return; I just want you to know what happened, and maybe, just maybe this might explain a bit of who I've become.
Here goes nothing.

I left for the wrong reason. Have you ever looked back on your life and said: damn, I shouldn't have done that? I say that to myself nearly every second. I make a hell of a lot of mistakes, and this, this was one of those big ones. My reason for leaving: I was one unhappy little first year. I also was clueless as to what I was doing with my life, and my marks were taking nosedives. My school friends will sigh here and say, "ugh, Haji, your marks?! you probably just did not think them good enough." Actually, no, that is not the case. Honors degrees require 70% and up. And if my marks continued to drop as they were doing, I wouldn't even be able to get that much.
So I managed to convince my parents that instead of having me mope around the house for a month (pilgrimage has set dates - no one was going to hire me for the summer knowing that I'd be gone right away - How do I know this? I checked!) I should go and live with my aunt and her family in Gibraltar, and do a Period of Service for the Baha'i Community there.
Come April 29th, I was gone.

Gibraltar

I was in Gibraltar from May 4 - June 3. Thirty days. Most of them: from Hell. Gibraltar, if you don't already know, is the southernmost geographic point of mainland Spain. It's the point on a map that nearly touches Morocco. Most of you will know about it because of the strategic importance of the Strait of Gibraltar. Well, that's where I was.
Now, I do not wish to hurt my aunt and her family by writing this. Let me explain here that the primary reason for my unhappiness in this place was because of culture shock. The secondary reason: homesickness.
Now, let me explain the situation there. My aunt and uncle really should have said no to my coming. I guess, like all family, they're excited initially, but don't realize what they're really doing. Also, a series of unfortunate coincidences all climaxed during that month. More pressure for all of us.
Their apartment is perhaps the size of my upstairs... So the living room, dining room, kitchen and area, perhaps plus my parent's room. Family of five.
I arrived, and now we're six, and they put me up in my cousins room. My cousin, Carmel, of course, knowing me probably better than I know myself, was disgusted at this fact. I, too, have also learnt to become disgusted with myself.
So it's all a learning experience, right?
Anyway, I did do many Baha'i activities, but you know, when you don't have much else to do, it seems like you're doing nothing. I spent a lot of time walking to town and around town... I could go a whole day and not say a word to anyone other than my family. And I spent a hell of a lot of time on the phone with my parents and brother.
I think the biggest difference between here and Gibraltar, like Carmel told me when I arrived and would remind me incessantly, is that Gibraltarians (yes, they're not British... calling them that is like calling Canadians, Americans) are a very laid back people. Their motto is "por la manana" (pronounced maniana, almost... I need some Spanish letters here! eheh) "for the morning". Me, crazy university student that I am, am the exact opposite.
Fine, but relaxing, that's easy enough right?
Sure, but how's this? I'm in a small place, and the kids have been taught, rightly so, that this family is not about secrets. So, when I logged on to PAWS to find if my marks had been posted (unfortunately they had), they were announced throughout the house without hesitation. Net result: privacy to a Canadian and privacy to a Gibraltarian mean two really, really different things.
The above are merely a few reasons, other things were going on...
Now, my homesickness.
I have never felt more alone in my life. In a way, it was good; I was able to deal with the rest of my travels better, but at the same time, I look back... I cringe. I tried to be happy, I really did, after all, this is what I had wanted for so long... I'd even written in grade 10 in Wilderman's class about this... But this was not what I had expected. I remember, I had photos of my siblings in my prayer book, photos which I'd whip out to show any poor fool that happened to ask me about my family. My journal, which I was not able to write in due to privacy problems, contained three photos: one, of Teegan and I at grad, the second of a certain December formal photo, and the third, which unfortunately turned out quite horribly due to poor film, of the discussion group - most of my Saskatoon friends were in it. I also had with me three airplane letters from three very different friends of mine. I'd reread them a million times by the time I'd arrived in Gib. These little pieces of home...
I also had a friend from home tirelessly emailing me to keep me going. She'd send me these massive long emails... Detailing every last thing that was going on back home, and then, when she'd run out of things to tell me or ask me, she'd make a list of questions, most of them random... Just to get me to write back and have something to look forward to. To this friend, I am eternally grateful.
My grampa had, in his worry for me, given me his mobile phone. I think I blew most of my money on text messages... hehe, yes, and to those two girls I was messaging: I am proud to have inserted EVERY LAST WORD! (what can I say, I really don't know how to use the little buggers...)
There was something else, too, which perhaps hit home even more than the photos or the letters... A friend of mine had prepared a few CD's for me... Unfortunately, this person knows me better than they could have ever imagined. My cousins hated the music... So the odd time when I had the house to myself, I'd play the CDs quietly... There was one song in particular, that actually caused me to be unable to listen to them again until I'd left. Trad music from a country I absolutely adore: Ireland. This woman was singing about how she'd left Dublin (oh, lovely Dublin...) to come to America and escape the war, only to find that America was also in war, and that she shouldn't have left in the first place. I laughed, and turned off the CD player. A litte too true to my situation...
However, this all being said, I did fall in love with Gibraltar. And then I was promptly yanked back to reality by events that were, as usual, my fault. Such is my life. I do things with the best of intentions, and they always, always backfire.

Israel

My family and I met up in Barcelona, and went to Israel for pigrimage: 6 - 15 June, I believe. Pilgrimage was amazing. My brother and I met a lot of new people, and got to hang out with some old Saskatoon friends on their turf. I cannot say much else. We were staying in Haifa, and we would travel out to Akka. There are Baha'i Holy Places as well as two Shrines in these twin cities. A lot of prophecies have been and are being fulfilled in Israel...
Again, however, and now with Anis, all we both could think about was how much so and so would like it if they were here. We called some friends from there as well. Anis had kids taken out of class... I had parents wake people up... It was a good time. Hehe, even on our pilgrimage we were planning our days, adding time zone differences again and again, just to make one or two phone calls...
The culture, obviously, was quite different. But I don't think that it was the culture that surprised me the most. I think it was the fact that for once, I was the normal person in the crowd. The only thing that would give me away was the fact that the citizens of Haifa and Akka know a pilgrim from a mile away... I'd tell you why, but you'd call me an arrogant [insert curse word here]. Anyway, it was great. Anis and I lived on hummus and pita bread (by choice!)... We'd eat arab food... have pastries... fresh fruit..stuff that my parents would talk about, and could maybe get once a year or two if one of us went to Toronto or Montreal... But nothing really like this... Shawarma galore! Oh God, the Shawarma!
I have a TON of photos and stories about Israel... Just ask.

Spain

We returned, with great difficulty (ask for the story in person), to Spain. It's funny, we'd use Barcelona as a travel stop... I think I spent a total of 7 or 8 days there... But I never really got to sight see or anything... I'd be too busy repacking bags (funny story that one...). Anyway, my maternal side of the family all lives in Spain, and we managed to all find two weeks (17 - 30 June) that we could escape to Southern Spain, to this province called Andalucia, which surrounds Gibraltar, if I'm not mistaken.
Anis, by this time, was dying of homesickness and asking for a ticket home (hehe, what I'd done, no, begged for, a month earlier). It was lovely. We rented this place in a paradise town that I'm sure I'll never go back to.
God, the stories...
The highlight of the trip for me was really a visit from an old, old friend of mine. June 22-26 were four heavenly days there... I spent most of the rest cooped up in my room busy... with what? Well, that's another story... In any case, it's no longer important. Anyway, well, so my friend came to visit. She's kinda one of those amazing people I hope I can aspire to, and I'm sure you guys would all rather I be if you could but meet her. She knew, somehow, how to handle me, which is saying something, as well as how to speak and act around every last person in my family. By the end of the four days, she'd convinced my parents to allow me to come stay with her.
I still don't know how she did it.
The rest of my trip there was really a blur... I locked myself upstairs... And we did go here or there, or to the beach... I spent a day in Granada my first weekend there with my other aunt.. babysitting my little cousin... Oh, what a cutie! The little guy is just two months younger than Farah. I have never been met with such kindness and hospitality while with a child as I was there. And I would know.
My cousins all liked Anis. Which was good, because I needed time to deal with myself. The little guy, Olinga, and my sister were really good friends. Farah still recognizes him. They'd play in this little pool my aunt had purchased in Israel for my sister. And they'd share what little toys they had... And hug each other... Oh they were so cute!

Ireland: My unexpected trip

So, now, this is the part of my story that gets even more creepy. In grade 10 English class with Mr. Wilderman, there was an assignment which I remember as the postcard project. Choose a place or places to travel to, "go there" for x amount of time and write a friend back - but make the postcards to. Parts of this postcard project have become a reality. And Ireland was the clincher.
I was there 4 - 20 July. Spent 10 days of it as housemates with Sahar, whom most of you know as "Tahereh's friend from Ireland". (She's the one that visited earlier... yes, I realize I'm not using names enough - I don't want to bore you...). Her family was away, and they had actually wanted, yes wanted, me to come and keep her company. That, I'm sure I did; how good my company was, I do not know. However, I can easily say that this was the best part of my trip. I'd gotten over the culture shock; Sahar is a person who does understand me, probably more than she knows; and Irish culture is a lot more similar to ours, probably because, well, a lot of Canadians are of Irish decent.
I spent most of my time either at home or at NUIG (university, where Sahar studies and works). Again, I was busy with my mystery project. It was good. Relaxing... The weather was more what I was used to. The air is also a lot cleaner than Spain and most certainly Israel. And let me say, to those of you who are wondering: Ireland is everything they tell us it is!
I think one of the biggest learning experiences for me was that I was finally able to initiate conversation with total strangers. (I had done this on some airplane rides, but minimally and with a lot of caution). But the Irish seem to be quite sociable and, let me add, extremely amiable! Ah, yes, I should add, Sahar lives in Galway, so I was there. We were in Dublin for a night - two of Sahar's Baha'i friends took their Saturday and gave us a lovely walking tour of the country's capital. I've never walked so much in my life! (well, maybe on pilgrimage...)
Anyway, it was great. And Sahar's family is simply brilliant, as well. Her dad scares me in an amusing sort of way... Him and my dad are exact replicas, and unfortunately for Sahar and I, he knows it. The funniest thing ever was when he caught me one morning coming upstairs, and I, of course, say "hey, Mr. Rahmani," etc... He looks at me, smiling and says "tell me, Tahereh, do you get along with your father?" - let me say, for the record, that I have never walked a tightrope, but I think talking about family stuff, knowing full well the implications, with Sahar's dad, no less... well, I think I have a pretty good idea of what it's like! Her mom, well, a woman that selfless I've never met before.
Sahar's siblings are also brilliant. I must say that I do miss them...
The last weekend that I was there, they took me to the Cliffs of Moher and the Burren. It was absolutely terrific! The car ride (God... the scenery is stunning!), and everything. I think the Cliffs were the most amusing... I couldn't help but remember the postcard project and a certain young friend of mine dreaming of hangliding into the sunset...
Unfortunately, Sahar kept me from jumping.
Ah, yes, and for the record: I did go to more than one pub.... heheh..

And that was that. I came home to Saskatoon on 21 July... Depressed, alone and still as unhappy as when I'd left. I think I spent a Hell of a lot of money on phone calls on the 20th when I arrieved back in Barcelona. hehe, my poor parents... When I got back, I went through a lot of reverse culture shock. To my friends here, for that, I do sincerely apologize. Much was going on in my life... much is still happening, and God knows where I'll be in a year's time. Anyway, perhaps this little story will help you to understand me a bit better, perhaps it won't, and perhaps, it's too late and redemption is impossible.
In any case, one of the biggest challenges for me this past summer and term has been that people seem unable to get along with me. That much became quite clear to me when I was with family while travelling. So, to those of you who are angry at me, who will be or have been, don't worry, you're not alone, (I'm one of them, too). You should start a club, crisis line and everything...
Anyway, with that, I shall leave you for the time being. There's a fight in my head right now that I should probably go resolve.
Good night, and take care.

Writer's Note

I feel it necessary at periodic intervals in my writing endeavors to explain the purpose animating my work. It may seem difficult for you to understand this, but I really simply enjoy hearing your thoughts and opinions – however challenging they may be to my own! The fact of the matter is that I like to put my thoughts down on paper – or into digital code as it were…

When I first began writing it was for myself; I would dream up some messed up story, and would develop it for weeks, maybe months… and my interest would slowly die, or I would run out of ideas – sometimes actually my characters would get the better of me and become somewhat real, or rather, that character would take on the personality of someone I knew, and I’d know to stop there. I left writing for a few years after that. I pursued other endeavors that interested me, and then suddenly, I was put into a more public spotlight. I was quite young at the time, yet perhaps less naïve… But I learnt there to love the challenge of writing for someone else. You’ve all probably heard the clichéd statement, “what is art without an audience”… It’s sort of like that.

Not to digress! Yeats once said “it’s not a writer’s business to hold opinions”. He’s right. It’s our job to present them. And that is what I feel I can do here. Perhaps I am wrong, but then, Frank Wright said “I’m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let’s start with typewriters.” So, maybe I shouldn’t be doing this. I might be out of my mind. I might present an idea that you feel you don’t care much for, or you may find that my thoughts have the amazing capacity of putting medical patients to sleep in under 10 seconds – whatever you may feel toward my work, the irony is that it’s your choice whether you want to read it or not.

Now, I have also noted some complaints that have been queried on another blog against my own (Note: the entry in question no longer exists). Perhaps the plaintiffs have different opinions of what I should and should not be publishing. Freedom of choice is a critical matter, and lack of censorship an immediate second. Several of the issues noted I will address here.

The stated reason for the grievances was that I have censored my comments. Let it be noted here that I do nothing of the sort. I suggest that you use the refresh button on your Internet browser to locate the missing comment(s). I will be happy to personally assist you in that matter if you so please.

It has also been noted that two of my blog entries are perhaps not written according to the taste and fancy of a few of my readers. I will not apologize for that. If the problem is about the topic(s) that I have chosen, I can only say that I write about what attracts my attention the most. In any writer’s, or artist’s life, it is quite often found that a single thing might draw them in for a period of time. I do realize that my blog has to date been quite themed. This is not a planned phenomenon. Nevertheless, I am not writing to please you, but rather merely to write.

The way that I present my ideas may be somewhat unorthodox and, at times, raw to the extreme. Again, I do not apologize. I am fully capable of adjusting my work to whatever level I please, and for the time being, I choose to set my standard at the point which you currently see in this blog. However, it has not escaped my attention that this style is vulnerable to attack. That, too, is fine. You will note that, if my work here is read carefully, the words of Michael MacManus will ring true: “But my work is undistinguished and my royalties are lean because I never am obscure and not at all obscene.”

Dear friends, I leave you to ponder (or not) on the above points.

Warm regards,

Yours, etc.

New Blog Tabloid

Yes, folks, it's finally here! The moment that you've all been waiting for....
Never spend money on a tabloid again! And get the scoop on your friends... by reading Henry and Shawn's Tabloid Extraodinaire!

The best story there yet is about Godzilla.... Tokyo in Ruins (you might have to scroll down... a lot...)

as always....

well, sam, thanks again! (how many of these blogs have i started like this?)
you give brilliant advice, and you're one of those people that reminds me that i might actually be right about people sometimes! so thanks
as for not taking the easy road in life.. yeah, i know. if i wanted the easy road.. well, i wouldn't be sitting here right now.. i'd be off. well, someplace.... we'll NOT continue this line of thought...
anyway, so yeah, actually, i had a dream last night that really made me think about easy way vs. right way... comes back to robert frost and grade 10 english... "two roads diverged in a wood, and i - / i took the road less travelled by / and that has made all the difference"
anyway, but the thing is i'm right before that fork in the road... so i know it's coming, but i don't know what it'll be, or what will come of it... i guess the best thing to do is just sit back and relax; however, for those of you who know me, you'd know that i'm not the type.
anyway, let's move on to a different topic. (yes, sam, i know, for clarity, i should publish this post first, and then make a new one. watch me not take your logical thought - go feminist writers!!)

so i've been raised in an environment where consultation and conflict resolution and mediation were not ideas that were discussed, but actual facts. perhaps you think i live in a utopic mindset... it's possible.... after all, i have been known to live in the past (although not THAT far back...), but hear me out. so i've always kinda thought consultation : state your thoughts and move on with life. but lately, i've been involved in different organizations and i'm finding that it's more like : foreplay, state thoughts, story, example, state more thoughts that are different than before, a bad example, very awkward pun... try to end, then come back with another thought that is supposed to make it all good again, but actually serves to make it all convoluted...
in other words, it becomes a nice, long speech. even among friends... so i'm sitting there thinking: why? why all the jargon and nonesense, when we can just cut to the chase and move on with life? perhaps go out for coffee? go home and study? or hop a plane, and.. well, moving on....
also, why is it so difficult for poeple to accept things as being simple? are we so used to making life complicated that we need things to be complicated for us to have faith in them?
if so, that's pretty sad, eh?
i guess life is complex and we are creatures of habit.. but that's no excuse... we have the most massive brains ever... with each nerve in our brains making about a thousand synaptic connections with other nerves... that's, well, you do the math... tis a LOT! so why can't we accept simplicity and see the beauty in it?
some will argue that we live in a fast placed world, etc.. so we can't really sit back and relax.. however, i've been to simpler places.. lived in them.. and those places, in many ways are worse off than us (they have less chronic diseases.. but everything else is the same or worse).
anyway, oh, yeah, here's another completely unrelated thought: what things can split up a good friendship and destroy it? and why? if it's a good friendship, shouldn't it be able to withstand the winds of trial?
well, for that matter: what is a good friendship? (and for those of you who feel like leaving a comment along the lines of "well, tahereh, that's for each person to figure out" you can start deleting the thought right now! be straight up. and don't be afraid.. you can sign as anonymous if you want..)
ooo.. speaking of which, i've been told that it'd be nice to pass on some readers to my friend's blog.. ok, this is worth a new post... so i'm gonna post it... bye!

Once again, here I am

Well, it seems that my pensieve is unavoidable. Tonight, i'm thinking about the purpose of life...
See, lately, i've been faced (Excuse my semi-correct grammar... my writing here is less than purposeful, so i really don't care enough to correct it) with a lot of tough thoughts and concepts.. not necessarily decisions just yet, but i can see how they will be very soon... and the thing is, i know the grand purpose of my existance : to know and worship God and to build an ever-advancing civilization (don't get it? see www.bahai.org - you might understand a bit more about me) however.. in the meantime....
i don't know what i'm really trying to say.... actually, well, wait.. maybe i do... monday really helped me get a bit of focus on life... i sorta saw a few lights rushing toward me and, well, i ended up realizing who i really care most about in my life... (yes, here comes sappy tahereh... don't worry, i'll return to my normal self soon enough!) and then i thought, well, if all of my existence in this world comes down to how much of it is useful for the next, then am i really being useful in this life? and this leads to thinking about careers, and family, etc... anyway, i'm in general quite confused. again, it comes down to this notion of balance:
how much time should i spend with my sister? (my profs won't be marking on my babysitting skills)
how important is what i study in school - how applicable is it?
and the list does continue.. and i think that most of you can pick up the rest (for those of you that can't, i'm really sorry.. i don't feel much like making an exhaustive list just now). anyway, a friend of ours is staying with us right now, and she says to me tonight, you'll make lots of career changes, and she's talking about life and how it will always be changing and you may or may not plan it, etc.. but here's a thought: when life throws you one of them curve balls, what do you do with it?
i think i've lost myself.... meh...
here's another question for you: why are you reading this right now?
i'm actually quite amazed at the variety of people that have read this and the comments that i've gotten (not all on this blog... a few of my regulars just talk to me about it) and i'm wondering why my little rants (or maybe not so little) would get people coming back, and also: why is it that those people whom i expect will give me a good answer give me the worst ones, and those whom i expect less of (simply because i don't know them as well) will write real thinkers?
anyway, i should go... i have a page long list of stuff to do tonight... any of my overseas readers... feel free to comment! to all you domestic ones: thanks for the thoughts, and keep them coming!
good night, and my apologies for this convolution i've posted....
take care!

oh, the midnight blues....

well, i'm actually going to write something personal in here for once... or maybe not, let's see where this takes me.
it's 3.20AM, and i'm going out of my mind... you ever have one of those days where you relive parts of your life over and over and over again? well, i've been doing that for a long time now... and it's pretty bad... like having flashbacks of different things. if i mentioned where, when and the like, i'm sure a few of you would be both rolling your eyes and on the floor laughing.. not to mention shaking your heads in distain... and it's NOT what you think it is...
like, when i arrived in barcelona on may 2, 2005... my grampa with a rose... insisting he get a photo with his eldest grandchild on the spot... as an example... and i remember how hot it was, the dustiness.... my uncle talking about parking; my cousin's little stuffed snake toy hanging from the handle above the door...
it's a huge distraction alright.. and so you can forget about school when your head is drowning in the waters of the past... (oh, yes, haji, ever the poet!)
it's funny, sahar always tells me the grass is always greener on the other side (unfortunately, i always remind her that when it comes to ireland, it really IS the godforsaken truth!).. but seriously, you'd think i'd get that fact by now...
anyway, so that's that... oh, the early morning/late night blues...
and i have nothing more to add... life is just life - wait, one other thing..
a lot of my friends have been talking to me about "keeping a balance" in my life, for reasons that are quite irrelevant at this moment. anyway! i honestly can tell you that i don't understand how this is possible. also, the whole stay balanced, eat healthy, blah, blah, blah, doesn't account for emotions or life's little curve balls, as it were...
also, every successful event in my life has always been the result of me throwing myself at the thing: heart and soul... so the whole idea of having a balanced life and getting good results.. i don't know if i can buy it....
anyway, i'm done, mom just knocked on my door, angry that i'm up so late... remember kids, when you graduate from high school, and the parents ask you where you want to go to uni, go far, far, FAR away! and if they treaten you with homesickness, financial difficulties and the like... detach yourself, pray, and GO!
biggest mistake of my life.. well, among other things... i do certainly regret some aquaintances, too... pain wears many disguises. stupid life... but, never curse the watchmen, they say!
good night...

Medical Anthropology

Big words describing possibly one of the worst courses i've taken thus far in my university career. Well, actually, it's not that bad a class, I just didn't like how much stuff this guy was pumping us about Western (or cosmopolitan as Frederick Dunn puts it) Medicine is bull, and science merely an ideology. Classes like this one cause students to question their beliefs. For example, in my Introductory Anthropology class last year, our prof got us to the point where we (the students) would question why we didn't have these "innovative and advanced" practices - don't follow? It's called 'Cultural Relativism'. The term means that every practice and belief can only be looked at relative to its own cultural evironment, and comparison is basically impossible.
Allow cultural relativism to come into the medical anthropology field, and you can justify why nearly any barbaric or life threatening health practice might be employed. Why not, right? Being a healer doesn't need to mean that the patient gets better - after all, what does healing mean, anyway? And what is health?
Med Anth looks at questions like the following:

• what is the sick role?
  
• how does one take on a sick role?
• who takes on the sick role?
  
• who is the healer?
• how does one become a healer?
• what does the healer do?
• what is health?
• what differentiates illness from disease?
• how do are illness and disease codified in different cultures?

This is all find and dandy; however, it oversimplifies the situation. Granted, western medicine is not perfect, and we do need to adjust our medical system to allow for other elements to penetrate - I'll get to these things in a second; however, what gives the right to a group to create an entire profession (yeah, you can get full out DEGREES in med anth) at the expense of another?
Now, I guess I should look at everything with a bit of a keener eye and remember that this is an introductory course where the prof is trying to recruit students into his program; nevertheless, the injustice being done is dispicable. Why is it that we, as westerners, cannot criticize any other group of people, yet we have to create jobs for people that want to criticize us? These same individuals who will preach about the inadequacies of western med will go to their family doctor when they have the flu, or get into a car accident, or have cancer! (since most of us will have cancer at least a couple of times in our lives)
I guess my question of the day is this: qui a raison? who's right? (sorry, it doesn't really translate... just be happy that I don't have the keyboard to type in farsi!) In an increasingly globalized world, if society is going to look at other medical systems and say "hey, he didn't have to go to university for 10 years, and look at him! He's the village shaman, and he can do anything from performing coming of age rites to fighting the gods in his head and curing his patients!" and thereby reject our medical doctors, who do dehumanize - and they're working on that! - and have been known to make mistakes (quit expecting that doctors will fight gods for you, they can't - that requires lots of drugs, and well, a malpractice suit), then what good is it to be a doctor? (I'm in biochemistry, which well, in the line of work I'm going pursue, will mean working very closely with doctors)
The Baha'i writings call for a melange of spiritual and physical healing. 'Abdu'l-Baha says:

"There are two ways of healing sickness, material means and spiritual means. The first is by the use of remedies, of medicines; the second consists in praying to God and in turning to Him. Both means should be used and practiced.

Illness caused by physical accident should be treated with medical remedies; those which are due to spiritual causes disappear through spiritual means. Thus an illness caused by affliction, fear, nervous impressions, will be healed by spiritual rather than by physical treatment. Hence, both kinds of remedies should be considered. Moreover, they are not contradictory, and thou shouldst accept the physical remedies as coming from the mercy and favor of God, who hath revealed and made manifest medical science so that His servants may profit from this kind of treatment also. Thou shouldst give equal attention to spiritual treatments, for they produce marvelous effects.

Now, if thou wishest to know the divine remedy which will heal man from all sickness and will give him the health of the divine kingdom, know that it is the precepts and teachings of God. Guard them sacredly."

Anyway, let me know your thoughts - whether they be about this topic or not... I'd love to hear from you!

Check it out!

For those of you who are getting tired of my rambling, stream of consciousness (possibly feminist) writing....
check out the link to the right for The Sheaf; specifically, look into the arts section of the site... you might just find an article by yours truly.. and it might just be called "Blending paint with spirituality" - cheezy, I know, but meh, what'll you do?
--Tahereh

Comments

To my readers:

Thank you so much for your thoughts! The response that I have gotten from this simple blog is tremendous, and I, personally, have learnt so much, and hope to learn much more from you all!
Now, while I do love receiving your comments, and I do not like to edit what you leave on the blog, I would like to remind you all that I have friends in all age groups and walks of life. So I ask that you maintain a level of thought and vocabulary usage that is seemly of the noble human beings that we are, and that you do, please think about who will be reading what you write.
Yours, etc.

Waaaay Too Far!

so i should be doing physics right now, but as you know, i have absolutely no focus whatsoever, and i have some more questions to ask you all. i'm wondering when has a person gone too far in a friendship/relationship - Whatever!
I find that one of the biggest things in today's society is that one can no longer trust ones' closest mates (i use that term in a strictly irish sense!). and that's quite painful... i mean, you have no one to confide in, to turn to... i'm not saying that this is my case specifically.. i've just been met with some circumstances lately that have made me think : what is the meaning of trust, and have we, as a society, lost it?
i don't know that i need to expand on this topic.... but like, if you tell someone to keep their mouth shut and they don't, then what? worse, if they've always been your confidante, and suddenly you realize that the trust you thought you had... see where i'm going?
take white lies as a simpler and less harsh case in point... the age-old question a girl will ask her boyfriend - am i fat? (or, well, am i pretty? do you love me... i'm sure you can continue this line of thought!) so what should the guy say? obviously the girl trusts him (and is maybe testing him...).... but how trustworthy is he? and think back on yourself now, how trustworthy are any of us?

anyway, i thought that i'd leave you with that thought....

ah, yes, another idea... the old grapevine... why are we so preoccupied with so-and-so's business?

Express YOUR Sexuality

hehehe, impressed? i learnt how to turn on the title feature!!!

well, let me begin my rant tonight by saying the following:
for those of you who i'm probably going to crush tonight, i apologize. but this is totally what i think, and since you so routinely ask for my opinion, i'm going to give it here and now. i am sincerely sorry for this... it is not my intent to say that any one belief is wrong (though if you want the truth, i suggest you look for it!), but to present another case...

some of my close friends have heard me say that i still go through culture-shock. in a country that i was born and raised in. how is this possible you ask? well, let me show you.
we live in a society that is permeated with the idea of freedom. since the start of the industrial revolution, everything that we have known to be true (this applies globally, don't worry!) has changed.
for the sake of this blog entry, and to maintain the current theme of this here blog.... let us focus on how sexuality and how we view sex has changed. with the rise of the flappers in the 20's, to the peak era of feminism in the 60's, and now, back to girls wanting to be traditional homemakers... (guys, you liked it all... how many of you DON'T get turned on by a girl that's "feisty"?) we've developed a society that boasts freedom of sex to the point where we not only eat and sleep it, we excrete it, as well! (no pun intended - for those of you sick enough to think of one)
ok, maybe i'm a bit too angry here... it's more frustration. let me give you some examples.

we've all heard about the whole "double standard" argument. i won't belabor it, but for those of you who are looking at your screen going "what the hell is she talking about" here :
if a guy sleeps around, he's "the man"; if a girl does, she's a slut. get it?

we've now gotten to the point in society where we see those who get married as traditional, old-fashioned people, and those who don't as progressive and forward-thinking. those who decide that they're "ready" (please, someone explain to me what that term means... i still cant' figure it out!) - for what, well, insert something here! - are indivduals who are in touch with their sexuality and are embracing their feelings. we consider those who decide not to have sex until marriage as suppressing themselves, and religious and well, i have heard the term "celibate" a few times... but those are priests (and only some of them at that!), people, not those who practice abstinence... look those words up!
i heard a guy tell a girl today, "well, he's a man, he's got to be coming to see her this weekend for a reason!" and he's right. for all that i tried to convince this poor girl that you know what, this one might be different... i can't.
and the reason come down to this: our society sees expression as action. some noticeable motion. what if the expression is a more general term?

don't like that line of argumentation?

fine, try this on for size: since when is it alright for us to judge a person who chooses to express their sexuality differently (no, i'm not talking only about homosexuals - i mean, someone who has a limit.. no matter where it is, on what they'll do with another) but not someone who decides to sow their proverbial oats? these terms, liberal and conservative... they're judgments and a form of prejudice, do you see?

a friend of mine, just to end off where i left last time... i was talking to her about the film wedding crashers.. cuz i liked it.. found it funny, someone witty and well, it's a love story, and i've become a sappy little girl since july.... anyway! she found it quite disgusting. hated how it was permeated with sex. and both these men are accepted and loved, and we find this funny and witty and brilliant! and yes, i realize that it's just a film... but it's a reflection of our society. and how disgusting is that?

well, to me: a heck of a lot!

but, i mean, who can blame us, right? chastity is a thing we think of only when we see an advert on a bus... and our only thoughts are "right... next?" in addition, society sees chastity and abstinence synonymously. let me review the definition of synonymous for you: the words have similar meanings, but are not interchangeable. to me, chastity involves abstinence, but goes beyond it. each individual will see how far beyond differently.. and well, how far i see it is a matter for me and well, any poor sap that comes my way...

since i hate the term dimension, i'll use it here....

another dimension of sexual expression lies in the relationship itself. the question here is: how much of an investigation of someone's character are you foregoing when you get physically involved? some might argue that you're getting to know the other person better. to those individuals: are you kidding me? you're merely trying to figure out how good they are in bed before you make a committment that you won't ENJOY! (and yes, that was me generalizing, and being judgmental... don't bother taking notes... you should know me better by now!)

a while ago, in a discussion with a friend, i was given some advice (along the lines of well, if you won't completely put out... you should at least.... well, we won't finish that sentence!) anyway, i was somewhat taken aback... i hope that my close friends can see my beliefs and understand my character enough to know that i will not change for anyone. however, i was recounting this experience to a friend of mine (who is, well, my spiritual twin), and i said at the end, "well, i suppose i should get used to it", and she replies: "no, you shouldn't have to get used to it, you deserve to get what you want, and what you want is to have a man who is on par with you, who understands where you're coming from, and is heading in the same direction as you are." those words really struck true for me, because that's what we all should have in life, right? someone who's at our level, understands us, and who's goals and ambitions you share.

i don't know. i could probably be way out in left-field (haha, HAD to throw in some BASEball... ouch... this is painfully bad... canadian humor, anyone?) and i could also, as usual, not be explaining myself properly... anyway, leave your thoughts... judge me as you will; i can take it, don't worry... and have a great day!!!

Well, Back to my Virtual Pensieve

Anyway, here I am again. I'm back at the computer screen to try and figure my thoughts out. And, well, force you people, who are kind enough to condescend to reading my blog, to wonder at my sanity.
Do you ever have one of those weeks where things just seem to end extremely well? I've had a week from Hell. Literally. The things and people that usually keep me going just weren't there... and I really just wasn't feeling it. Anyway, but looking back (never curse the watchmen!), I see that it's been an amazing week! Why? Well, I'm sure we'll find out soon enough!
In the meantime.... here are some thoughts
I watched the Wedding Crashers tonight. My brother and the Filson sisters (minus the eldest!) and I went out with the goal of going to Harry Potter 4... and found ourselves at the cheap seats watching an extremely obnoxious, sexually saturated, hilarious film... that brought back more memories than I would've liked... (this wasn't my first viewing of the film)
Anyway, what really struck me this time around was the concept of family that this film shows in the backdrop of a standard love story. For those of you who have not seen Wedding Crashers... look it up on google or something... I'm sure you can find a synopsis somewhere... Anyway, the family in question is the Cleary family (wealthy, American... the family of our heroine). They are so dysfunctional that it is unreal. Yes, I realize that it's a comedy... but let me finish! (Sam, don't click the comment button just yet!) Right... back on track: the grandmother is crazy - she's all sweet on the outside and old and bitter on the inside.... swears and is crazed and the like! (much like a teenage boy--it's just that when it's gramma we get shocked!) Anyway, the dad has something to do with finance in the government... extremely powerful... the mom is, well, looking to have fun (for those of you who liked Jane Seymour as Dr. Quinn "medicine woman", I suggest NOT watching this film). And the kids... well, the kids... let's see... 3 girls, 1 boy. Eldest gets married (that's the wedding that gets crashed) - so we don't really see her much, except to know that her wedding is exceptionally cheezy! (I hope that I'm NEVER my husband's first mate, and he my captain!) The other two daughters.. one is our heroine, and the other is a sex crazed lunatic who enchants our hero's best friend... and the son? Well, crazy, teen-aged, homosexual artist... need I say more?
And, yet, with all this... I wonder, exactly how odd is this all-American family? We all have that crazy uncle or aunt... and family members that we just plain ol' regret to have blood ties to... and grandparents that our parents try to keep quiet at the dinner table so that we kids would still learn the meaning of respect... maybe not to the extreme as presented in this film... since, well, comedies are virtual caricatures of awkward situations... but really think about it...
And, going back to the love story part of it (I really should stop watching these films...) anyway.... how odd is it to meet someone and fall in love with them within a short while? Or know, at least, that you're going to?
For that matter, what is love? (age old question, I know... but I wouldn't mind your input!)

On an competely other note... I've been wondering (I hate social sciences, but Hell! they're getting me to psychoanalyze every little thing in my life...) about this amazing piece of technology called the internet (Sahar, if you're reading, now would be the place to stop... You'll only roll your eyes at the rest of this and I want to save you the pain and energy - hey, what are friends for if not that?). Anyway, I have a lot of friends that I have not seen, literally since I met them. It's a side-effect of travelling and being a Baha'i. These things happen! Well, so as of late, it's been really disconcerting for me to maintain these friendships in this way. I'll give you an example. It's possible now, using msn, skype or countless other internet messaging programs... to have free voice conversations.. so forget text messaging... you can actually talk to people, internationally or domestically, just by having a good internet connection! And, if you have one, you can add webcam to that, too... and then actually see the other person.... In addition, you can exchange music, email, discuss whatever (for example, Thursday evening found me looking up French words for a friend that lives in London, Ontario), while doing all these things.. so sometimes, the discussion groups that I hold at my house, I'll discuss and plan with a friend who lives miles away... This is nothing new to any of us, right?
Well, see, fine.. but how are the members of such a culture affected? That same friend who I was looking up french words for... when I went to get my dictionary from the shelf.... I wanted to physically pass her the book! At school, I look over my shoulder, or I see someone or something... and I have the impression that so-and-so is over there... I know it's crazy... but think about it this way... I have the most intense and fun conversations ever, over the net... I can plan whole events with someone who won't probably won't ever be able to attend the product of their work... and one of my closest friends will tutor me in physiology the night before an exam.... but I can't have coffee with any of these people. But it feels like they're right there...
This puts a whole new spin on virtual reality, eh?

Anyway, those were my thoughts of the day... why don't you leave yours?

Spirituality and Cake

why the title, you ask? it's a line from a show that i'm sure you are all quite sick of hearing me talk about by now...
anyway, in the words of marie antoinette: let them eat cake!
i've come home to an empty house tonight. it's a slightly awkward feeling to come home and see this place that seems so small when it's populated.. and so massive when you're alone. but! i've manned the fort. and it's nothing that i haven't done before.. so bring on the saturday night blues.. alone.
a friend of mine told me today that if i can handle a 21 month old child, i can handle this.
interestingly enough, i wondered about that comment. he's right, in many ways, but the thing is that there's a difference between holding down a house, and playing with a kid, or putting that kid to sleep... (you really can't play with a house, or put it to sleep...)
heheh, that was a joke, people... laugh!
*sigh* no one ever laughs at my jokes....
see, the friday/saturday night blues are not exactly about being home alone, or about what you did that day (for example, i did actually GO OUT tonight.... to a friends place.. for a quiet night of movies and well, face to face conversation) but it's just about wanting to be doing something other than what you're doing.
anyway, i'm doing quite well at the moment... so many classes i could be studying for right now.. and i really am doing a great job of not doing any study! (as usual....)
ah, yes, my next question:
if you could fast forward to the future, would you?
i oftent think to myself, will i remember this moment, when such and such happens to me? and when i do, what will i think?
however, i've found that one often lives either in the past, present or future.... and i, too often, live for the future. ironically, it's those instances when i live for the present that make me happiest... then again, i end up replaying those moments far too often...
i've just realized that i've started to right complete crap, and in the worst order possible...
but then again, i can argue in my defence that i'm a feminist and this is stream of consciousness writing.. and i will NOT be tied down to a male form of thought organization designed to poison my creativity.
hahah, to those anti-feminists out there... i refuse to tell you which side i'm actually on.
ah, which brings me to my next point.
a few weeks ago, i was told, by a very candid, and well, good friend why i'm undateable. we were discussing the fact that in my circle of friends (which is slightly cross-continental), i find that the girls who are in sciences, head-strong, and smart seem not to have boyfriends... or even have guys that will consider her as a possibility.
anyway, this friend of mine, who is a true expert in such issues informed me that guys like girls who NEED them. he listed several other attributes that are characteristic features of yours truly... and explained why those specific traits would cause the demographic known as young canadian men to not even turn for a second look (i personally, think that in my case it has to do with the fact that there's not much to see... although, i know of one person who might think otherwise.... sigh...) anyway! so according to him, the damsel in distress/prince charming complex goes both ways.
i wonder, though, about how successful a relationship that depends on one person constantly providing for the other will be... think about it: what if the woman resolves the problem that mr. right was there for? should the couple keep on finding things to fix? and does this have any correlation to divorce rates and the demand for couples counselling and marriage self-help books?
anyway, it seems that i'm full of questions today....

i have a quotation for you:

"I don't believe I can create, but that I can be a channel for the Creative. I do believe in the Creator, and so in reality, this is His album, through me to you, with as little in between as possible on this media-conscious earth. As to what i should be called, I don't remember Him calling me anything in particular." - Keith Jarrett

*thanks luke ;)

and a good night to you all!

Well, Sam has questioned my previous comment about science as a proof of God--she wants me to "expand on that". To do this topic justice, I will postpone my response to after December 17th, at which point, feel free to send me obscenely long emails about whatever... Because I'll have the time to respond! *cue maniacal laughter*
Anyway... I have more thoughts that I feel like writing out...
ok, i'm done with this whole "grammar" thing...
anyway, i watched monster-in-law last night. and, i'm embarrassed to admit this next part.... and bride and prejudice. that's right! i, tahereh haji, did watch a pointless movie... i do it far too often and ENJOY IT!
so what's struck me about both these films (and well, classics such as pride and prejudice... sigh... oh, mr. darcy...) is the idea of mothers as hindrances to marriage. (i apologize for my choice in topic, sahar, i swear to you i won't go along my usual line of thought)...
i mean, monster-in-law is just amazing... the stuff that that woman does to her future daughter-in-law... and you know, while it is an exaggerated story, it does present a certain truth. numerous women, well and men that i have spoken to have recounted the same story. mothers are especially worried that their sons are unhappy with their women. it's a complex that goes back to jocasta herself.
again, my question is why. to me, it comes down to jealousy... although i can swear to you that most mothers probably do not hope to be the woman that their sons sleep with... it's more a want of attention. but why from the son and not the daughter?
the same applies to friendships. the whole "you're stealing MY friend" complex. why is there an expectation that if someone new enters a person's life, someone will be pushed away?
for that matter... what about the "third wheel" syndrome. at least from a girl's perspective... i wonder: does a part of a girl's relationship with her best friend die when she finds herself a boyfriend? or does that just give them something new to talk about? (hehehe, i've been watching too much sex and the city!) and does that relationship death summate? so that with each new boyfriend more and more of the friendship atrophies... and then if they're both dating... (haha, i'm enjoying this a tad bit too much... probably because i'm listing to bohemian rapsody....)
and the visualization for this one is particularly interesting....
ok, well, moving on now...
let me just add: being on one's own (at home alone, that is) is fricken amazing!
ah, yes, i suggest that if you kids have time on your hands, and want to learn about the world (we canadians arrogantly think that we know everything bout everything... granted we know more than the smartest american... but we're still quite stupid... trust me. i've travelled and i've learnt a lot since i came back... don't get it? ASK!)
www.denial.bahai.org

ok, well, i should be studying for physiology right now, but meh, when have i been one to do what i should be doing??
anyway, so two things....
firstly, i've been studying physiology, and my conclusion is thus: if anyone ever wanted proof of God's existance, all they would have to do is study science. a good, well, how's this, becoming good friend of mine (she'll learn to hate me soon enough!), doesn't agree, but let my comment slide earlier this afternoon. i'm hoping that i'll get a response to the statement above... if not, i'll just take it as one or both of the following: 1. no one reads this blog, so no comment could be made by default; or 2. you all agree with me. prove me wrong.
my second comment for the evening will have to wait... i want to give it good thought... stay tuned though.. it's about university life and living at home.. should be good!
question of the day (if the above wasn't good enough for you!) : why is crash such an ironic film?

my brother, anis, and i at the Garden of Ridvan, in Akka, Israel

well, i haven't really done much to update this at all... however, i think that i've found out what i want to do with this place...
i assume that if you're reading this, that you're either bored out of your mind, or actually interested in my life; in any case, i am sorry to inform you that you'll be greatly disappointed. my plan here is to share all those funny thoughts that i have that no one in their right minds will ever listen to.
i'm sitting on my bed right now, surrounded by a pile of books, brain having turned to mush and writing--for lack of better things to do.
anyway... so here i am...
now, i must admit that i am a massively big fan of seinfeld. in case you haven't ever seen/heard of it (which is likely, considering how international my connections seem to be), it's a tv show about nothing. the story is centered on the life of a thirty-year old jerry seinfeld, and his odd bunch of friends. it's a great comedy, not because of the the plot itself, but about how much it questions our society. episodes are based mostly on irony, and the idea that 'what goes around, comes around'. anyway, i am not here to give you a synopsis of the show. i suggest that you watch it for yourself!
another show that does this quite well, but in a very much opposing fashion, is sex and the city. for my younger readers, i must apologize. and i will state here that it is not a G-rated show... however! the reason why i find it particularly interesting is because the main character, carrie, questions her life and the lives of her friends at every turn. they are all approaching middle age, mostly single and without children (it depends on what you regard as committed and with children) and really, don't have much going for them in the way of not growing old and being spinsters.
both shows question. and i love it.
so here i am... sitting here with a pile of books around me, waiting for... for... i don't know what! but as i look at these books, i wonder why i am here.
yesterday, i visited an old teacher of mine. i told him about how i was doing in school and life and the like, and he started to question me and my choices... all for the best, don't worry... his point was this: are you doing what you want to do?
movies like garden state point this out quite well. most of us live life in a state of autopilot. heck! a lot of us will die that way too... but the question remains: why?
i've been questioning my life for a while now, and i imagine that i will for a long time. however, i get moments, where i know exactly what i want to do, and am going to do... and then it all slips away...
i do believe that every person should find their way to serve humanity. if we approached our professions, whatever they may be, with an attitude of "i want to do this to serve my fellow human beings", well, we'd all be a lot more productive, for one thing, and we certainly wouldn't have as much time spent on destroying each other.
and when i say "destroy" i mean it in a sense greater than blowing someone up. for example, the competition in our society literally makes people sick. google: chronic illness. from ulcers to diabetes to depression... our minds control our health, and our society puts pressure on the mind. see the link? no? look again.
anyway.. i'm digressing...
but with north america in the state that it is, how can one actually do something that is of service. everywhere you look, there are cracks in the system... anthropologists, and all the other -ologists are constantly finding inadequacies. my medical anthropology prof is set on the idea that western medicine does nothing for anyone. my french prof is convinced that cults really weren't that bad at all... we just thought they were...
i mean, it's sort of unreal... look at teachers.. the education system: i mean, we don't even compare!
so how can we actually, truly serve?

anyway, that's my question of the day... stay tuned for more crazy ramblings...

Well, guys, I figured that I should revamp my website again, and I've been having fun reading people's blogs every so often... So I've decided to create my own blog of craziness! Welcome to my life's new home. I must warn you, there is not much to me, so you will probably get bored... But, perhaps, one day, it might become interesting, so you'll have to keep on reading. Forever. And ever.
Anyway, so it's the end of summer. School starts on Wednesday. I'm sort of excited... Actually, I am excited. Unfortunately, I don't think that I have any classes with my friends; however, that just means that I'll have to meet new people, and make some more friends... which is something that I'm very happy to do these days. I mean, after you get over the initial nervousness of talking to someone new.. or calling someone... (yikes!), then it gets to be fun. There is so much to learn from people, both about oneself and about the world...
Some of you are probably wondering how my travels were. They were amazing. I got to go to four different countries, and got to meet many new people. Some of whom I am still in contact with, but most of whom I just remember fondly. It is quite difficult to keep in contact with people, I must say, especially with language barriers. However, I can say this much: if both parties want to stay in touch, they will. One of my best friends and I just passed our 5th anniversary... We got to visit each other this past summer--that in itself was amazing, and the fact that we still talk to each other is a further testament to our friendship.
So much else was brilliant about this trip. I learnt a lot about myself, about other cultures, and about my family. I don't mean that in a cheezy, Dr. Phil way, but in a more thoughtful manner. I honestly am only realizing how much I learnt now, and I think that I will notice it more as this year progresses. So much has happened this summer....
I am only anticipating with eagerness the results thereof.