well, i'm actually going to write something personal in here for once... or maybe not, let's see where this takes me.
it's 3.20AM, and i'm going out of my mind... you ever have one of those days where you relive parts of your life over and over and over again? well, i've been doing that for a long time now... and it's pretty bad... like having flashbacks of different things. if i mentioned where, when and the like, i'm sure a few of you would be both rolling your eyes and on the floor laughing.. not to mention shaking your heads in distain... and it's NOT what you think it is...
like, when i arrived in barcelona on may 2, 2005... my grampa with a rose... insisting he get a photo with his eldest grandchild on the spot... as an example... and i remember how hot it was, the dustiness.... my uncle talking about parking; my cousin's little stuffed snake toy hanging from the handle above the door...
it's a huge distraction alright.. and so you can forget about school when your head is drowning in the waters of the past... (oh, yes, haji, ever the poet!)
it's funny, sahar always tells me the grass is always greener on the other side (unfortunately, i always remind her that when it comes to ireland, it really IS the godforsaken truth!).. but seriously, you'd think i'd get that fact by now...
anyway, so that's that... oh, the early morning/late night blues...
and i have nothing more to add... life is just life - wait, one other thing..
a lot of my friends have been talking to me about "keeping a balance" in my life, for reasons that are quite irrelevant at this moment. anyway! i honestly can tell you that i don't understand how this is possible. also, the whole stay balanced, eat healthy, blah, blah, blah, doesn't account for emotions or life's little curve balls, as it were...
also, every successful event in my life has always been the result of me throwing myself at the thing: heart and soul... so the whole idea of having a balanced life and getting good results.. i don't know if i can buy it....
anyway, i'm done, mom just knocked on my door, angry that i'm up so late... remember kids, when you graduate from high school, and the parents ask you where you want to go to uni, go far, far, FAR away! and if they treaten you with homesickness, financial difficulties and the like... detach yourself, pray, and GO!
biggest mistake of my life.. well, among other things... i do certainly regret some aquaintances, too... pain wears many disguises. stupid life... but, never curse the watchmen, they say!
good night...
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Oh Tahereh! Those dang midnight blues!
I have had many of those days where I have relived moments a million times, and a million nights where I have sat just staring at the wall till 4am.
What am I thinking about? Most nights...I couldn't tell ya! Some nights I don't know what to think. Then there are those nights where there is something really big and important weighing on my mind, but all I can do is think of things completely random and unrelated.
hmm Why is that?
Anyway...
A lot of those nights I find myself asking "Where the hell am I?" (and sometimes "Why am I here?") And I can't answer that because it varies at any given moment - especially during the midnight blues. There is no answer, because I don't know.
Does anybody really know where they are in their life? Well that's a whole other rant! ;)
But, for some reason...before I know it, I've got a smile on my face and my thoughts are back to the ever so simple "Hmm...what should I wear tomorrow?", then I crawl into bed.
Because that's how Life is.
You can only handle so many life-altering questions, experiences (or the like) at once.
For me, that's the balance. ...either that or hypocritical BS! ;)
P.s. You're blog rocks my socks! I love it! ;D
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