more junkyard photos

my friend... has graciously sent me a few photos that more accurately describe my state of thought... "this is more junkyardy, tah" she said...


this one is called "pile of crap" - she thought it was very well suited to my post.

and the following... just relates to the amount of crap that is there...

junkyard of thought

well, i've been told by several people these past few days that my writing is extremely difficult to sift through. my initial response to most of these people: quit being so lazy.
but then, and forgive me for saying this, i was told by one of my closest... well, i guess you could call her a friend, by one of my closest friends that my way of thinking is not a "train of thought" as one would hope in normal circumstances, but a "junkyard of thought".
of course, being who i am, i find this statement quite fascinating, and obviously quite true (for the record, i am not afraid of the truth. i am, however, afraid of what people like to pass as the truth - see freemind is dead) so, for this blog post, i want to try to find out what constitutes a "junkyard of thought", prove to you beyond a doubt that that really is all that there is in my mind, and then see what kind of an answer i'll get from you folks!

now, the term train of thought suggests that there is a tangible link between one idea or concept and the next, and that it is presented in such a fashion. this goes to the heart of the five-paragraph essay, which we all had to write at some point, and are still struggling to escape. so as you can see from the train shown above here, usually these ideas will be old, traditional, black and coal-run steam engines (ie. not very fast)
however, even slower are those rusty, old pieces of metal that you will find in a junkyard. the picture at right shows a perfect example of the types of trains found in my mind. (i believe you can also find them in some communist countries as well... and in dundurn.) as you can see, these trains are old, rusty, and unlinked.. and three out of the four would have once been engines... lending power to the other cars and pulling them through it all. my thoughts are very much like this junkyard. they could have once done some service to the world, but now they only pollute, are being degraded and are extremely unpleasant to see.
now, my friends that cannot understand my writing probably find this to be true.
the only thing that scares me is this: to those of you who think you can understand me better by reading this blog... what does that say aboug me in general???

the above is dedicated to the one who cleans out my junkyard. you know who you are...

new post.

well, it strikes me that my posting has become quite haphazard (sorry for the spelling shawn and sahar... i'll say this: to shawn, i'm persian, excuse me; to sahar, i'm canadian, please, allow me to beg for your pardon) (alternatively, if i did spell haphazard right... hah! in your faces! - not really....)
anyway! moving SWIFTLY onwards.... saskatchewan as it were...
right, so my posting is quite random these days. i apologize to my loyal readership that no longer includes even samira. *sniff, sob... almost tear... so therefore, i've decided to write more often, as my goal of having a brilliant readership which consists of the liquid crystals in this display has been accomplished... (and also because a good friend of mine insists that i write more)
today, i have two thoughts. the first is about books, and the second is about dreams (as in goals and aspirations)
*also, may i ask that those of you who do not yet speak french learn damned quickly.. i really don't know how much longer i can keep the one language only thing up... my brain's too screwed up for that!
last week, i was honored to receive a few books... and after having read most of italo calvino's "if on a winter's night a traveller", i'm beginning to see books in a different light. see, they've always been this other world that i've escaped to (as most persian children will do... especially in the area that i live in) but books are extremely personal. i remember, back when i was 12, my uncle kasra gave me two books - pride and prejudice, and david copperfield. two books which have graced my bookshelf, and brought honor to my library.... and with which i hope never to part! and it's funny, because they've really affected me. david copperfield i still have not finished, 7 years after the fact... but pride and prejudice i've read dozens of times, (it's even travelled with me), and it has greatly influenced my life and my relationships with other people... (to all those guys who say they don't know what women want.... read pride and prejudice. trust me. it's all there) how can i explain this..
ah yes.. teegan, sahar and i. (i hope you two will not mind my using your names... feel free to yell at me later).... us three are quite the little group when it comes to music. sahar and i, well, we have quite similar taste... but that's mostly because i think, we're similar in a few ways... i personally, like her taste in music mainly because most of it is rock/punk/slightly pop type stuff.. and i like to blast my brain cells dead as opposed to drink them dead. now... the other day, teegan and i were out... and teegan had made a mixed cd, and she stuck it in my cd player for a friend of ours to listen to... she made a comment along the lines of "tahereh doesn't like my music, she hates it, and likes sahar's type of music." now, the thing is this: i poke fun at both girl's taste in music, mostly because that's what i do best - and me being honest is, well, quite a hard thing! however, if i ever did take the time to actually listen to both types.... (let me add that sahar's burnt me so many cds that that's my cd collection right now... so teegan, really!) haha, no it struck me that music, no matter what type it is, is quite personal.. to the extent that it occured to me that i do not like people to hear or see my humble collection.... teegan and sahar are both confident people, and so they are proud to show off most of the music they like, and state it like a fact: THIS is good music.
now, the same applies to books. my collection is quite odd, really.. a mishmash of scifi, poetry by the likes of blake and rumi, religious texts galore (from various faiths), textbooks, history... classic novels by such noted authors as chopin, austen, moore and conrad... it's by no means complete, and i have a lot that i need to add to it but it also does not include all the books that i have read in my life.... and to most of you, i'd be hard pressed to admit to what does and does not appeal to me. the reason, i guess, is simple, it's a bit of a back door into my life... isn't it? and is it not so with all art forms?
what about the paintings and posters that hang on my walls? what does that say to you about me? or the sheet music on my shelf... and the films next to them?
so now we come to the idea of sharing art with others... i find it's hard enough to give someone a cd, or a novel that i think they should read... and then i worry about giving them something i've written myself... yikes! it's like you're opening a door for them... one which perhaps should not be opened.
in any case, so i received a few books.... all from the same source.. and it strikes me as interesting, because i wonder why these ones? i'm positive that the giver could not imagine what the feelings of the receiver would be upon receipt of the pieces... so that could not have been his motivation... so then what was it? (note: to answer this question, all necessary information has been given... hehe no tricks.)
in any case, i've completely lost my train of thought... must read more of "in a winter's night a traveller"...
i've also been wondering today about dreams... and destiny... one's Personal Legend as one author puts it... actually... i'm sorry... my mind's a bit too convoluted to write about this just now...
perhaps tomorrow...
ah, here's a question for you, however....
how much should one sacrifice for one's goals?

oh valentine's day...

well, today is the day before that oh-so-horrible day... valentine's... disgusting really... the most pointless of all holidays... well, perhaps there are more pointless ones.... no, actually, i can't think of any just now..
in any case... you all know the usual characteristics about this time of the year... disunity.... anxiety... pain... commercialism... pressure... depression, as well, probably. i find this all very fascinating...
i, personally, barely remembered that vday was this week - until my friend aired a radio show that was basically an "ode to vday".. and well, this same friend keeps on reminding me about it... and while her and i are quite similar, i guess on this point we differ... whch is interesting because i really don't know what to attribute it to. i'm not any more calm, cool or collected.. and i certainly do not have her confidence about life... so i can't figure it out.
in any case, i find this quite fascinating... that a holiday so secular we no longer know its true roots - or even have much of a myth to go by - can have such an influence over us that we actually think that on this one day everything should be about romance and love.
i know what you're going to say to that... it's my first thought as well. our society is quite commercial and consumerist and vday is merely another commercial break... however, i do wonder if there is more to it. because with this day... you either hate it or you love it - and you can cross between the black and white so that if a person hates it one year, they might love it the next.. just depending on their life situation.
anyway.... it's way too early in the morning for me to be any more thoughtful than i am...

Bedside Manners.

you know, it's funny. doctors, and i do this all the time, are always ragged on for how little "bedside manners" they have. they're expected to have this considerate, caring demeanor and to know exactly what facial expression to have at exactly the right time... so when a patient doesn't get the treatment they expected.... well, it's obviously the doctor's fault, right?
so it is with other things in life... a friend of yours will do something you didn't expect them to do - maybe said something to you that was out of line... or behaved in a manner completely opposite their personality... so you ask yourself "who the hell is this kid that i thought i knew so well?" .. you don't stop to ask "why is he/she acting this way?"
my point is this: when someone does something unexpected, our reaction should not be to lash out at the individual for being unpredictable or going against their responsilibilities or whatever... but it should be one of loving-kindness.. soothing almost.. what if the person's reason was escape? or fear? or out of love?
did you stop to ask?
i know this one kid that'll stop an argument or a discussion when it gets too loud... his brain just shuts down, and all you can get from him is an "ok" or "as you wish". and it's weird, because even just a year ago, he would've punched back that much more harder.... but now, you couldn't have slapped him and gotten a more adverse reaction.
weird, no?
but i wonder, if you even just take the time to give the kid a hug, and ask him what's goin on.. will he react in the same way? (btw, for brevity and clarity i've used the pronoun "he" - the kid in question, however, is not necessarily a male).
my point is this: before you get mad at the doctor, friend, or whoever who does something that you didn't expect - be a little compassionate... ask yourself what on earth could've gotten him to do this... and be a little more soft spoken... you might just be surprised at the results...
and his justification might even be reasonable!

snow day? ...stress relief

you know, i go to lunch often in the cafeteria at STM, one of our catholic colleges (i believe we have more than one, no? i don't know...) at the u of s.. .and as i sit there, sipping my soup.. for their soup is so wonderful.... mmm.... soup....
anyway, there are always these little cards from some health group at school... (an affiliate of the USSU, i do not know...) you know, asking you how your menstrual cycle is going, whether you've got meningitis.. the usual... perhaps a costlysaurus or two in there....
this week: STRESS AND ANXIETY
do you feel stressed?
do you have troubles breathing? troubles focusing? studying?
etc....
let me just say, for the record.. i've only read stupider questions in my lifestyles class - do you feel suicidal? (hullo! do you really think i'm dumb enough to get myself landed in counselling???)
anyway, so the plan here is this:
you want stress relief? you feel like life is taking you under?
here are some real life solutions
1. do not, i repeat, do not go out and find yourself a significant other - this only leads to stress developing into hypertension. and trust me, you don't want hypertension at your age....
2. drink water - not coffee, kill the earl grey, and folks - alcohol... not the way to go (and i say this out of medical expertise... and well, concern.. heheh - i AM allowed that, right?)
3. focus on the end result - this is just a means to an end, remember? and you'll get through it!
4. a lot of other people are in the same boat - not exactly the same one (mine's ducttaped for example... so you wouldn't want to be in my boat, ya know?)
5. ah yes.... i've now lost my train of thought.... oh right: SLEEP (but only to be well rested...)

and with that in mind.... i should head it! it's like 1am. and i got a full day tomorrow... so much for taking my own advice (which i've totally plagiarized off a friend of mine who routinely has to give me stress-defibrillation....)
feel free to vent it all out here guys, just keep the language PG. :P

travel bug

so i watch way too much tv...
my question for the day is: what makes us want to travel? or not?

you know, it's funny... growing up the way that i have, i've always thought that everyone wants to travel - go places, not knowing what you're doing.... but as i've gotten older, and after having travelled, i've come to realize that this is not how the world works.

i met people in gib who hadn't crossed the border into spain, ever... never even hopped a ferry over to morroco.... (we're talking going from my house to like, warman - a full five minutes)... in SK it's the same deal... some people haven't left the province, or anything.. and i can understand perhaps the cost, or whatever.. but what gets me is the desire to leave... it's just not there!
that's fine, i mean, to each his own.. but i'm just trying to understand this phenomenon. for me, i think that travelling is about wanting to push back barriers... go beyond the status quo, and the thing is that there are many ways of doing that. perhaps that's what it is... for me, the only way i have left to push back at life is, well, this stupid blog, and making myself face things i've never faced before - as painful as that may be... and as horrible the consequences thereof.
i also think that it has to do with how much you want to question the world. (oh, right note: i don't travel for tourism.. i travel to learn the lifestyle... and seeing the odd historical museum or site doesn't hurt! :P )
so, after taking anthropology for example, i really have a different attitude about culture and how it's built and why we do things differently... in short, it's taught me how to question culture. my being a Baha'i has taught me to question everything in life period (the biggest principle in the Baha'i Faith is the independent investigation of truth - so finding things out for yourself - say hello to my reason for always having conversations that make everyone sleepy) and university - it's all about questions. teaches you how to ask them. (any kid who says that uni teaches the answers too is not thinking. you'll get some answers in science.. but they're always basic... my entire information transfer class consists of : it's been suggested that.... consider this... blah blah blah)
so i kinda see the travel bug as wanting to question life intellectually... that and damn, do i miss some of my friends!

hey! i do actually have some friends.. and the fact that they're not imaginary is proven from me having pictures! (NO i do not have an airbrushing program...)

so how do you see it? do you want to travel? and if so, why and when do you plan on going? and where to?
i have a few friends, who express a desire to travel, but are nervous bout going on their own (yes, by a few, i mean more than one)... and let me say, i've offered to take them along... even fly there and back with them so that they can have someone to go through customs with and navigate airports, whatever... and the answer's always: well, we'll see... my parents always said that.. and we'll see always meant: forget it.. but i'll be nice to you and let you dream.
well, to those friends, the offer's always open...
also, i think that some of you might get the impression that haji wants to up and leave SK all together. no, i said : travel.. that means go, and come back. i do love this place. and you know, the more i travel, the more i love it here... i have a lot of family overseas, and a few friends both out of province and overseas.... and they also say : we'll see.. but to coming here... think there's nothing to see in SK or in canada... it's their loss, quite frankly. i've seen sunrises and sunsets off the coasts of seven different countries... (coasts... like, next to a sea or ocean)... and i've seen a great many in lots of other places that are mainland.... nothing.. and let me repeat for clarity: nothing compares to the skies in SK. not all the green and blue of ireland (not even their leprechaun gold), or seeing the sun come up over the Mountain of God (see religious texts for locations... - it was spiritual, yes... magnificent, totally.... but it doesn't compare.. skies there and here are on two different levels).... in barcelona you can't ever see the sky.. and, well, shall i go on? i'd only be redundant if i did.
however, that being said, i still want to travel. it's like this: you know when you love something or someone... and you know it, but it's such a part of you that you'll joke and make fun of it... and you don't realize how much it means to you.... you leave... you'll know how much it meant to you. and you'll see all your faults and imperfections in all their glory.... i've never apologized to my parents so much as when i did when i was away from them (culture shock - if you're with friends, it won't be half so bad, i promise) . but it was necessary.
and you might be getting kinda scared or overwhelmed... reading me saying that travelling is this wonderful and horrible thing... and you might say, i'm not ready, i'm not this, i'm not that... let me ask you: are you ready for anything? really, are you? the exam this friday? the gig you play with mr. x at the fanciest club y in town z? or to put yourself on the line for that friend of yours? nah, forget it- you're not ready. you can't be. but sometimes, you just gotta sit back, and say, to hell with it - and as we used to say when we were kids, and life were simpler... ready or not, here i come!
and go.

writer's block... yet again!

whoever coined the term "writer's block" probably jinxed all future writers... (possibly with the exception of j.k. rowling.... although, she seems to be using her block as a means to kill off all her characters - don't be surpised if hp7 features harry on his death bed)
oh, right, to those of you who read a couple of posts that came up and disappeared again...
i was being inappropriate and insulting, and i definitely overstepped all the bounds of decency. to those involved (you know who you are), i sincerely apologize. and be assured, i have learnt my lesson....

to use a term coined by the person in question...
moving swiftly onwards....
writer's block.. yes... it's like freezing on air... cept for there's a lot more pressure on air... i should know, my friend sahar sat me down at a mic at the station... and i begged her not to put me on, sure enough, (i thought my ears were fooling me...) she turned on my mic and introduced me to whoever was listening (hopefully on that day, no one....) i literally froze.... funny, i can give talks in front of a couple hundred people, no problem... but this was an entirely different matter...
anyway, here i am... completely at a loss.... today was one of those blah days where you wake up knowing that you're not going to accomplish anything, so why the hell should you bother? yeah....

ah yes, let us discuss board games and how they set people on personal vendettas....
i hadn't see it since high school, but last night i had a very interesting experience. first of all, i nearly won at a board game (this never happens - i blame it on beginner's luck....) secondly, i got to witness people getting riled up over a little game! it was wonderful - let me say, i haven't laughed so much since... well... boy.. i can't even remember that far back!
on thing that struck me though, was this game my friend made up... (or maybe she didn't, but i'm pinning it on her) was "guess the emotion" - it was hilarious, she'd make faces (they were all the same... but don't tell her! she WAS trying to make them all different....)... but it was an interesting thing, because it reminded me of something another friend said to me last week "you can't just turn off your emotions, tahereh" she said... (not about me, if you know me, you'd know that even i realize that my emotions did not come equipped with an on/off button.... God, i blame that one on You!) and so when this other friend of mine was busy trying to switch from emotion to emotion, i was quite amused (also crying from laughing so hard....)
nevertheless, i wonder if it is possible to turn one's emotions on and off... it is possible to lie, even to oneself, about one's feelings... and you can "plan" (according to the self-help section, which is taking over the literature section of all bookstores... disgusting... and the minds of a few of my friends...) you can "plan" how you're going to get through the day.... *although, with that i disagree... but that's for reasons that most of you would curse me if i spoke of... yes, canada's biggest social taboo (other than discussing the fact that racism prevails) - God - no! i even typed it... phew.. don't kill me, guys!
but i do think it possible to turn emotions on and off... to love someone one day, and loathe them the next... we're creatures that are easily influenced by society, the people around us and our physical surroundings - not to mention our state of mind... i think this is how many of us sleep at night...
anyway, that's my little thought for today.. i've tired myself out. so i'm off to bed...

by the way... i realize that this has gotten way to stream of consciousness.... any ideas on how i can get back to structuring this all would be very much appreciated...

photos...

Me wearing someone's spectacles and in a wig... Also in my room... in case some of you were wondering what the INSIDE looks like... ehehe... actually, my wall looks quite empty.. but really there's a lot of stuff behind my head.. meh... oh, right, in case you were wondering why i'm wearing someone's specs and a wig... i plan on looking smart in uni.. i figure, if i look smart, i might be able to imagine myself into it! (yes, sahar, it IS possible!)

Saskatoon is hoarfrosty... this was taken from our kitchen window which opens onto the balcony.... i have some better photos elsewhere... i should go find them....

are we what we watch?

alright, so funny thought of the day: if we are what we eat, are we also what we watch?
sam and i were jokingly discussing this today... she was watching desperate housewives - a show that yes, i have tried to watch, but you know, with a title like that, i'm sorry, i really can't! so i said to sam: what you watch is a reflection of you!
we didn't discuss it much, which i attribute to how diverting desperate housewives is... that and, well, i mean, we're talking about sam... she can't really handle two things at once (now, can you sam? :P )
anyway! it's an interesting thought i think.... i mean, we definitely know that what you watch and listen to will affect you - but is it a reflection of yourself?
taking it one step further - could this be a reason why different shows wil appeal to you at different periods in your life?
i look at the different shows and characters that particularly appeal to me - and i do see that, to an extent. especially today. generally, these characters are the sarcastic, stubborn - single! - people in the shows... intelligent... yes, ironically only the first three are directly related to me... the intelligence part is why i talk to people like samira!
music wise - i think it's crucial to have different types of music set out to help you through different times. happy music for those happy days, break up music - to help you move on, content music - for when you're travelling through the roads from galway to the cliffs of moher... angry music - to make sure you don't punch out the wall and just sit and work through it instead...
that's right, music therapy is my true calling.... none of this pediatrician stuff!
in any case... my old high school english teacher maintained that the art that you surround you with is a reflection of yourself. his classroom was cluttered with the largest collection of stuff - for that is all you can really call it! - and it was true.. he was also full of stuff.... mostly very good stuff.. hehe...
think about it.. when you walk into someone's house, or get into their car.... that's the first thing you notice... what's on their walls? paintings? posters? are there books or magazines or journals on their coffee table? what about the bookshelf? poetry, essays, novels, religious works or textbooks? and where is that bookshelf located? what music is playing? do they discuss this all with you?
i did read a particularly good essay about music a while ago; however, in light of recent events, i will not be dissecting it for you. and it seems that i can't recall enough of it to summarize it for you, either... in any case... the author was discussing why certain music appeals to certain people.. and how it's pointless to debate the topic. however, i disagree. it's important to discuss these things because it is critical to who we are as people. the arts have this capacity to manipulate your basest emotions as well as the depths of your soul, and we need to be able to understand this better... then those youths who enjoy rock music will have a way to shut down their parents once and for all... plus, for those of us that don't drink - it's a non-mind altering way of killing the most brain cells!
in all seriousness, though...
art as a reflection of ourselves... true/false... i'd choose true
but then, you gotta ask yourself - should we count TV as an art form?

Poem of the Week

Pain

By: Rumi

Pain comes from seeing how arrogant you've been, and
pain brings you out of this

conceit. A child cannot be born until the mother has pain.
You are pregnant with real

trust. The words of the prophets and saints are midwives
that help, but first you must feel

pain. To be without pain is to use the first person wrongly.
"I" am this. "I" am that.

"I" am God, like al-Hallaj, who waited till that was true to
say it. "I" at the wrong

time brings a curse. "I" at the right time gives a blessing.
If a rooster crows early,

when it's still dark, he must have his head cut off. What is
this beheading? As one might

extract a scorpion's sting to save it, or a snake's venom to
keep it from being stoned,

headlessness comes from your cleansing connection to
a teacher. Hold to

a true sheikh. Strength will come. Your strength is his
gathering you closer. Soul

of the soul of the soul, moment to moment, hope to draw breath
from that one. No matter

how long you've been apart. That presence has no separation
in it. Do you want to understand

more about this friendship? Read the sura called Daybreak.

thoughts of the day...

you know, it's interesting - yesterday was friday the 13th... interestingly enough it turned out to be the most eventful friday the 13th of my life. to those who made it so - thanks. i'll definitely be unable to forget you now!

in any case, i've been sitting here reminiscing... cuz, well, that's what i'm best at, i guess, especially when i feel like being useful - but it's ok, don't worry! my mom will get home tonight and bring out the ol' persian mother's whip and i'll get a few red'uns on my back and be on m'way soon enough!
but while i'm reminiscing...
i was thinking about lauguage. i've been reading this book called Epistle to the Son of the Wolf - really good read, i recommend picking up a copy if you're interested in wolves at all.. and their children...
in any case, the author discusses how words are more powerful than weapons these days. it's quite an interesting concept... there is truth to it as well. we can think about it on the international scale - look at the revolutions of the past 100 years they all began and ended with words. (you can argue otherwise, i know, but consider politics - revolutions in most countries begin with certain charismatic individuals saying that they can do better than the current leader - when the revolution is over, that new leader will make promise after promise.... all words to subdue a people). think about our current elections here in canada. no longer do our leaders duel each other - but they debate and accuse and dance around truth... you'd think that if we really wanted our leaders to have to "keep their promises" we'd have created some kind of contract system.... but we hold them to their "word".
business these days is the same. when a consultant is hired, it's usually over a game of golf or a dinner meeting, and the two companies will "agree" without signing anything. and they're held accountable based on that verbal agreement.
the same when it comes down to individuals around us. why is it that when mr. x says something to mr. y about his mama, mr. y has to respond - fights might even break out! are you kidding?! that sounds kinda ridiculous, no? but it's the truth, and we all know that it's (well, a common joke) a matter of dignity.
and so i was thinking today, do we actually think about what we say to each other.. do we think about what that means and are we ready to be held accountable?
when i was in in gibraltar, one of my biggest problems was that my cousins and i had trouble understanding each other's language - we all speak english, but it was still difficult. and the reason is that words have different meanings, and a different level of importance based on where you come from. this makes sense; language and culture are inextricably intertwined. so when my friend sahar says : my, was the little guy chuffed - i had no clue what she was talking about.... chuffed? what, did he gain weight? no, he was pleased with himself.
now, let's think about this a little. if words are so important, then it must be equally important to choose them with care. now, sometimes, one might say something out of haste - i might yell at my father and tell him: who the heck do you think you are - as opposed to, dearest sir, please kindly inform me regarding your reasons for your statement... etc.
but then you have to wonder - if you make a mistake... be it a little one: get lost, as opposed to please excuse me, or a big one: you are a(n) [insert curse word here]... and you say the wrong thing.. or you say something without thinking... does that make it a lie?
or did you just make a blunder... and like most capitalists, believe that it will all right itself?
i'd take the blunder side, personally... but then... let's tweak this scenario a little.... what if it's something really stupid.. like telling a student that you'll help them.. always saying it. how long should you go on? knowing that you're never going to really do it... a month? two perhaps? three??
no sir... the second it goes from a blunder to a continued charade.. then it's a lie.

don't ya think?

THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Alrighty.. so I've decided that I should not say I'm going to write something... but rather write it right then...
So, here's to not bashing organized religion today... We'll do it some other time, don't worry.
But today, I've been thinking a lot about career choices. For us youth, this decision is often one that is quite stressful - and one that society stresses upon. (As opposed to, say, choosing a life partner.. which to me, is a far more important decision - but is portrayed as much easier to decide and accomplish, in general!). I daresay that this year is one of transition for many people that I know.
I think that with choosing a career, which often means going to university or some other source of post secondary education, we see it as "the long haul", a final decision... or "a point of no return". Yet, I can assure you that upper year students, and the staff (not faculty, there's a difference in attitude, trust me) at any such post secondary institution will treat it as trivial. Your teachers and profs will put pressure on you; however, when you go to see an academic advisor, not only do they not know (in general) what is going on, they also really couldn't care less.
Interestingly enough, most people will change careers repeatedly in their lives. As I was telling one friend today, you could get an undergrad in biology, and do your master's and up in something like human geography (true story). In our own Saskatoon Symphony, there are doctors that play in it! So really, life is not as hard set as we'd like to think it is.
Actually, one friend of mine is a real free spirit compared to me in this regard.... I asked him the other day why he's chosen that uni's not for him, and he says to me "maybe it is? who knows, for now I'm doing [insert something here]"... and he's happy doing it and doing quite well, far's I can tell. He's right, in many ways, because, being young, smart and quick on your feet means that yeah, if you decide next term to go become a rocket scientist you could probably do it if you wanted it enough!
Also, I've noticed that uni students, especially first years (of whom I was one, and perhaps with my level of naivete, I should still be counted as one), really have this arrogance about them. So when a person decides to take some time off school (which is quite common - we all need breaks from the Hell they call university), a first year's first thought is ha! You obviously can't handle it! Whereas a more thoughtful and wise thought would be hmm... That's a very wise decision, if that's what you need to do. For those of you who are not in university, perhaps I should explain. The academic world is somewhat like the wizarding world in Harry Potter - muggles really don't know what's going on in there... however, by the same token, wizards are usually idiots when it comes to normal stuff. Academia is very exclusive, quite arrogant (I can even SEE some of you sniggering at this, but don't lie to yourself: knowledge leads to arrogance; it must be tempered with humility, and humility is not something our society values let alone promote!), and extremely condescending. Granted, no matter what you do in life, because we're all so specialized, we like to use language that is inaccessible to others... But it's not right.
But I digress! First years.. yes, like I was saying: to you who still have your noses in the air about people who are not in university or uni students who take or have taken or will take time off - what goes around comes around, and you know what? I hope that you learn not to judge others one day.
And yes, that was me judging you. I haven't learnt THAT much in my short life. But I do try to exercise at least minimal amounts of tact.
In any case, the next time you find yourself or a friend making a decision, especially one that involves careers and/or finances, remember this: nothing is ever fixed in stone, (actually, even it if were, you could chisel or grind or sand it away!) and the only point of no return is when you die - and even then, it's all about progress!
So think happy thoughts!

Comic Relief

Saskatoon, SK
2:53AM
27 December 2005

OFFICE OF TAHEREH HAJI

received word STOP attack verbeke STOP paint green van kitchen white STOP perps hindered by one P.S. STOP may attack tomorrow STOP owner be warned perps brown and perceived dangerous STOP advise appointment with auto paint shop STOP

the above is a telegram that i have just received. i do not know who owns this "green van", but i assume that "verbeke" should be quite worried at this point. i hear that the color "kitchen white" is very tacky and out dated. (if it ever was in at all... *shudders*). i suggest that the owner come forward - i may be able to assist in the efforts to pursue this conniving fiends! ~T.H.

Organized Religion - Tell us why you hate it!

Alright, guys, so this evening i was speaking to a friend of mine (hehe, yes, some real human interaction, get that!), and we were discussing organized religion and its various faults. So now i ask you the question, what's wrong with organized religion? (forget any possible good stuff.. that's for later). leave your comments.... tomorrow, i'm making a top ten reasons why OR's are a load of BS.
anyway, i'd love to hear from you!
t.h.

A word about Rumi...

well, below i've posted a favorite poem of mine by Rumi. granted, some things must have been lost in the translation, but i expect that his work is just as elusive in Arabic.
I suggest that you read it several times (if you feel like reading it at all) and think about it for a bit... then, if you wouldn't mind, i'd like to know what you think of it.
ah, yes, and for those of you who don't know, Inshallah translates into "God willing". it's Arabic, yes, but you will hear many people in the Middle East say it (persians, for example) - islam is all about submission you see.
anyway, so yeah, i certainly don't know what it means, and am quite confused as to why i like it at all... but here it is.
enjoy.
~ t.h.

INSHALLAH

By: Rumi (as translated by Coleman Barks)

Some people work and become wealthy. Others do the same and
remain poor. Marriage

fills one with energy. Another it drains. Don't trust ways.
They change. A means

flails about like a donkey's tail. Always add the gratitude
clause, if God wills. Then

proceed. You may be leading a donkey, no, a goat, no, who can
tell? We sit in a dark pit

and think we're home. We pass around delicacies. Poisoned
bait. You think this

is preachy double-talk? Those who do not breath the God
willing phrase live in a

collective blindness. Rubbing their eyes in the dark,
the ask, "Who's there?"

more thoughts on bravery and fraud...

alright, so i apologize to the poor bloke who's conversations i'm raggin on tonight... i'm sure we can discuss my actions after you've read this and decided to tell me to go to hell..

i've had several people say to me that it takes a lot of courage/bravery/whatever to post thoughts like this on the net. my thoughts in this blog are the following: what in God's Names (it strikes me that we often say Name, singular, but really, the plural form is more true) ever gave you that idea?
i had this english teacher back in high school... a lot of the students hated him, but a few of us geeks... we loved him. and the reason was simple: he made us think. we'd read something and he'd really take us into it.. almost too far, i think sometimes; however, he'd do it. and he'd say things to us, and ask us questions, and make us argue back and forth... and he'd often get this grin on his face... in retrospect, i think those were probably at the points in our discussions when one of us would make an argument that he agrees with, but would never tell us so...
over the years, i've learnt to emulate him in many ways... present ideas and concepts and arguments that disgust me, but i'm going to show anyway...
for example, i might argue here, in favor of euthansia, or whatever... and i might even use anecdotes and little conversations to back up or explain my argument or my question or whatever.. but what makes you think it's my actual opinion?
one person i said this to, replied, quite correctly, that those who don't know me well will take me for what they see. she's right, to an extent. the thing is, however, that you can't, to use a cliche, judge a book by its cover. take me for what you see: a messed up kid, questioning society and its BS and happening to write about it while she's at it. oh, and add this to the melange, and it'll really screw you over... do you really think that this little investigation of mine ends with this blog?
now, i submit to you the following: we all have a responsibility in this world to investigate truth for ourselves (whether or not you agree this statement is not for you to question - it's a fact, get over it). so investigate it. the next time you think, oh, tahereh's doing great and putting her emotions on the line, look deeper, and see me for what i really am: a damned good fake.
a friend once described himself as an impenetrable tower. while i hate phallic symbolism, this one is too good to pass up! he may be impenetrable, but mine... it's so well guarded and fortified... i have to tell you about it before you notice it.
hehehehe, and that's my fun thought of the day!

tomorrow: new poem.. this time by none other than Rumi himself!

Bravery or Fraud?

That title's not supposed to mean anything to most of you by the way.. so don't worry if it's more of a question mark for you than a laugh, thinking: i'll get her for this.... (and if you are thinking that you'll get me.. well, read on, and here's my thought for you: good luck!!! ;) )

ANYWAY!

my question today has to do with music. i've been thinking bout this matter for a while. i mean, for a while, i really wanted to pursue music as a career... hehe, unfortunately for that plan, God wills other things for me. however, some around me have pursued this, and well, my own mother is an artist (a brilliant one at that, want to see her work? email me). but i've always wondered at what gives power to music and to art.
there's this one piece (well, it's more along the pop genre so i hate to call it "piece" or "work" hehe, but i have nothing else.. it's like 2AM, sorry, folks!) that i got introduced to this past summer. we won't mention its name, but those involved in this story will know who they are... the friend that gave me a copy of it, well, i mean, the song really hit home for both of us... what's funny is this: i got another friend to listen to it yesterday, and this friend was like: it's total crap. well, i consider him sorta an expert in music, so i'm thinking, that's interesting, crap. so it got me to thinking: what makes it different for me? why does this song strike me.. and let me say, it's pretty bad, the song starts playing and you might as well just find a little corner for me and say: see ya in an hour...
so it got me to thinking...
(if my old English teachers could see how often i use the elipsis i think they'd have a crise cardiac! and yes, they'd all have the same heart attack. hehe)
i don't know if i'm explaining this well. perhaps it's like this: take the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (great book, by the way, i recommend it to you all!) or the Harry Potter series... many of us will love those books, but others won't and for different reasons. i personally find HHGG to be hilarious, and a true work of art, but then, others will not.
that brings me to my next thought... why can a book make someone laugh? it's merely an inanimate object with ink all over it... possibly some color... and it may form images... i mean, c'mon.. there's no real reason why it should cause someone to laugh, right?
anyway, so i was talking to sam about this.. whom i take all the heavy, deep questions of life to (mostly cuz she'll put up with my stupid questions and cuz we think alike - speedy gonzalez is MY line, ST!) and we came to the conclusion (or rather, she told me it, and i was like: is this a good example, and she agreed so therefore...) that music triggers memories and/or emotions (i still want to know what emotions are, really.. cuz our more primitive emotions, such as "rage" are actually controled by the hypothalamus - if i remember my physiology correctly...)
actually, if i may.. this has been all over the map.. and it's also like 3AM now (no, i haven't been writing the entire time... msn's been distracting me....) so, well, basically: why does music affect us? and, here's a thought: how and why do we classify music as great or crap? (what makes mozart so great and spice girls crap? - i'm not saying that mozart's NOT great.... but why do we classify him so? and, if any of you were considering spice girls as actual music: quit reading this blog. it isn't your type.)

Just for Sahar - My thoughts on the Irish

I have been informed that my last post was rather "heavy" and in an effort to lighten the mood, and make my overseas friend, Sahar, comment, the following has come to my mind....

See, the fact of the matter is that I, in a feeble attempt to act all tough, told Sahar that I'd say a bunch of mean things about Irish lack of spine. However, I have found that I am quite incapable of saying anything remotely harsh, as I am, in fact, in the phase of my relationship with my old friend, that after almost 5 and a half years, I now need to impress her. (insert comment of choice here - and hear me roaring in laughter. That's right ROARING!)
Anyway, let me see... Ireland. How can I describe this fair country in Middle Earth itself?
Well, if I were a typical writer of English prose, I might as well compare "her" to a summer's day... but then, well, I'm neither Shakespeare, nor a man, let alone English...
So...

Well, I tried... and I've got nothing. What I do know is a series of unrelated cool things about Ireland, and the Irish themselves, which might be quite interesting and useful tidbits of information...

1. drunk driving commercial
In Saskatchewan: show a car accident. perhaps if it's really goary, an ambulance
In Ireland: show an kid getting slaughtered by a drunk.
Do either situations work? obviously not.

2. Landscape
In Ireland: rolling green hills. the white stuff? sheep.
In SK: (In the central areas!) flat. choose between colors of either yellow or white. the white stuff? ACTUAL snow! (we don't need sheep to fake it for the tourists)

3. Religion
In Ireland: comedy's easiest scapegoat, and the country's joke.
In Canada: what we'd rather not discuss. So how bout hockey?

4. Sport
Ireland: well, it strikes me that you're quite British... so... cricketS anyone?
Canada: hell, we're so diverse everyone has their own sport and it's OK to do that! (actuall though, tis Lacrosse - we don't like eating what we play with, hehe)

and of course, last but not least:

5. Natural Resource
In Ireland: leprechaun (read: celtic) gold
In SK: actual mining and forestry resources.

So, please, take this with a grain of salt. This list is, in fact, a series of blatant exaggerations aimed at one thing only: getting Sahar to actually comment on a blog where SHE KNOWS the writer. Actually, while I was staying at her place, I started a bit of a cookbook/handbook... it's currently still in the works.

I also hope that that lightened the mood somewhat.