a blog article i liked...

check it out!

jonathon has written a brilliant article that i think is a really astute observation of our society, and ourselves. i'm pretty sure he'll say that what he said is pretty obvious - and truly, it is... but it's expressed in a very interesting way. anyway - enjoy!

evenings with haji

well, for future reference - whenever you see a "Testing" post, it's because my account is messed up and decides to randomly "forbid" people (including myself) access to the blog. i'm not sure what the problem is, and i am not that computer literate, so we'll just have to make do with not knowing what's going on.
anyway, i decided against going out tonight so that i can do some work on lab report... and i took a break - watched a tv movie. the main characters were all artists. two of them were writers, one was a sculptor, a third was a musician and ahaha, the other wasn't an artist i guess - she was more into activism. the film, though, was about ego, and about how truly blinding it is.
but then i guess, it was also about knowing what you really want in life - and that comes from what you value and place importance on. the main character actually learns that she didn't realize what she truly valued - and i thought it was interesting, seeing as a lot of my conversations lately have been centered around knowing what one wants - and how to get it.
perhaps this sounds rather self-centered. i should clarify. you can want different things. so, perhaps, person x wants financial stability, person y wants social justice, and person z wants to dedicate his/her life to the progress of civilization. our wants can be quite different. what's interesting though, is that when those wants coincide with that which a human being truly needs - then, i think, that person ends up tapping into power that is greater.
in the end, it comes down to knowing yourself. personally, i'm at a point where i know more about biochemistry than about myself, so really, i'm no expert - but i know that knowledge of one's true self is extremely important to setting oneself on the right course.
and with that said - it is time i return to charts and graphs...

testing.. again

my blog account hates me

A few stray thoughts

ok, well, i have a several thoughts today, and i thought i would write them, seeing as how studying is definitely not happening at this point.... also, for those of you who have never met my family... i thought i would upload a few from a wedding we went to back in september....

anyway, so the above show my brother, sister and i.. eheh... anyway...

so, first off... last wednesday bore witness to our first snow - and blizzard - of the year. it was pretty crazy, because i'd planned a few appointments for myself during the day and evening, and so i asked my brother if i could borrow the car (this was monday) anyway.... come wednesday morning, there's over half a foot of snow outside.... and more is coming down... so it was an awesome adventure driving around... by noon there was at least a foot.... so i ended up shovelling our driveway (after digging/pushing out my car - it got stuck) and finding that there was still a layer of ice from the day before (freezing rain... and i KILLED myself on that...)

anyway, all this being said, my day was amazing in that it was my first time alone driving in a blizzard as such... first off - it is a TON of fun... you get to do all the fun stuff that you see on movies with your steering wheel going all over the place and such.... and... when your car gets stuck, you can be sure to have at least two or three men come and help you out! this was what got me most.... that through all the traffic and sliding backwards down hills and getting stuck in intersections and everything, people just helped each other out. i had guys come and push me out - patiently, i really must admit that i don't know what to do with my car when it gets stuck... still learning! - and as soon as it was done, they'd head off. i'd say thanks, they'd say no prob, and that was that. i really liked that.

this morning we had a memorial for my grampa. tomorrow marks one month since he passed away. i'd be lying if i said i don't miss him... but you know, i got to MC today... and give a talk on his life. (two months ago, i did this for my grandmother on my dad's side) and you know, that little bit of "doing something" really helped i think, in that it really made me feel like we'd done something for him.... and i've also been learning a lot as i reflect back on his life. i dunno, it was kinda cool, but i guess i don't really have the vocabulary to express what i mean really...

with all that... i wanted to discuss one of my favorite books - and one of the best lines in that book.... ender's game is the book. the line: "the enemy's gate is down" - it's what the main character says to his soldiers when all the odds are stacked against them... he orders them to finish the game as fast as possible (the goal is to disable enough of the opposing side so that you can unlock the enemy's gate). but he bends the rules, and sends his men to unlock the gate - taking the time to disable the other side would've caused the massacre of his army.

in any case, it's an interesting thought... one which implies that the ends do justify the means - but i'm not sure that this is true. often, when i get frustrated, my first response is to think of that line and just do whatever i have to to get through the situation - but when i think the situation through, i realize that if i do that, some spiritual qualities begin to get sacrificed in the process... so i am never quite sure what to do...

lately, i've been taking what i consider to be the "high road" but, to be honest, it feels like i'm bashing my head against a wall sometimes (ie. i get tested a lot, because the important things never come easily to me)... but now i'm thinking, i don't have the time to do that anymore... anyway, so i guess that's a question for you - what do you think? do the ends justify the means?

for those of you who have read ender's game... i apologize for the horrible explanation i gave above... to those who have not yet read it, i butchered that part of the story, but really, read it - it's a brilliant book!

supply and demand

well, at least a few people have left comments saying that they want me to write again... but the thing is, i've come to a total writer's block period of life. this is not to say that i do not have ideas stuck in the junkyard called my brain, but then i think about them some more and i'm like, well, what's the point of writing about that?!

altho, i do have friends that i write to often about my thoughts, so maybe it's the fact that i am actually having these discussions outside of my little blog that keeps me from writing.... but i am not sure

so i dunno... shall i make this heartfelt? thoughtful and crushing? hmm....

it's interesting because this writer's block is probably just in my head. i've learnt these past 6 months that our thought is our reality. what you perceive, what you respond to, how you respond, the reaction you cause in the other person - it's all a matter of your own thoughts.

this is interesting for me to learn, because i remember a time when a few friends and i would spend our breaks scaring fellow students by telling them that the world is actually mere perception... and so we're all figments of each other's imagination - but, ever the skeptic - i didn't take it any further. as in, i never paused to realize that if one were to try, you can change every situation into a more positive one by the power of thought alone. (note: i did not say totally positive - i said more positive)

for example, i was asking this same question (about how to change thoughts) from a friend of mine last night, and she proceeded to tell me about her evening. She had gone to the movies, and had parked her car. Admittedly, it was not perrrfect parking, she said, but it was between the lines and the like.... In any case, she comes back to her car, and finds a note on her windshield. On the note was something like "learn how to park, jackass". Now, this friend of mine could've chosen to get really really angry... or whatever... but then upon further reflection, she realized that perhaps Notewriter, let us call this person, had really bad humor... or was drunk? or was just an idiot... I mean, really. Listening to her tell the story, I thought, hmm, it sounds like she's not so hurt as she might have initially been. (And in case you think you wouldn't be frustrated if someone left you a note like that... Just think about all those times you've gotten a ticket. eheheh)

i've found that the same applies to school. i decided at the beginning of the year that i should start thinking more positively about life.... so i've been trying to approach everything in a spirit of learning - so something challenges me, and i try and find a way to make it push me further. however, the challenge really lies in keeping up this attitude. it's not enough to just try to change something - you have to persevere at it - energizer battery style... just keep on going and going and going and going...

i say that because i have some dreadful classes this term... just frustrate me (like french class in high school) these profs just don't understand that at the university level, there's a certain standard. in any case, i could rant on about them - but what would be the point in that?

well, that's all for today - just remember : thought = reality

testing 1-2-3

it seems that my blog url may have been deleted.... so this is a test to see if that indeed is the case

lol

well, after hearing about the toronto star's new ad campaign.. i figured i had to start posting again - just to make sure that they don't steal more of my ideas :P
ok, well, today is about willpower. or rather - a term i prefer - volition.
i've been thinking lately about what it takes to really do something you want to do, and i've decided that, in general, it is a matter of volition. (for those of you looking for exceptions as opposed to reading and seeing if i might actually have a point... yes, i realize that in some cases volition won't make things happen.. you can't wish a dead person to life) however - think about all those pesky habits you have that bug you to no end... often we sit at home and think: man, i HATE it when i do that - but do we actually DO anything about it... more often than not, we just keep on sticking to that same ol' habit.
now, what happens when that little habit starts getting in the way of things that you really do want... what then?
and then, we have to think - what actually causes volition to manifest itself? note: i don't say "create" because i don't think you can really create volition, i think it comes from within...
anyway, to all those students out there, if you're thinking: well, i really don't have any habits that are really affecting my life adversely... (let's put aside the general achololism afflicting our schools and universities...) think: procrastination. for me, this is a huge road block - and actually, i think it's probably from my parent's relaxed, chill attitude when it comes to things that, in my opinion, are worth getting done fast!
anyway... that's all for my junkyard today.

The attainment of any object is conditioned upon knowledge, volition and action. Unless these three conditions are forthcoming there is no execution or accomplishment. In the erection of a house it is first necessary to know the ground and design the house suitable for it; second, to obtain the means or funds necessary for the construction; third, to actually build it.

- 'Abdu'l-Baha

questions

well, here's a messed up one for all of you who are still out there reading. many of you have left for the summer - and well, some of you just plain don't live out here to start!
anyway, my question today is: why ask questions?
i've always loved to ask questions.. and i actually can't understand people who don't... which is unfortunate for me, i guess! and i don't mean... "to question" i mean "asking" - there's a difference.
in the first sense, i find that it means to undermine... you question what someone is saying to prove your own superiority. however, in the latter sense, you are striving to understand - to take ownership for the knowledge you have just acquired. i'll explain how to take ownership later....
but for now, i leave you with the above question!
take care - and i hope you all still have internet access!

blog break!

well, i must apologize for not posting in ages.. but i've been thinking a lot, and have become a bit of a recluse!
in any case, now that i've lost my ST to the ravages that are persian parenting (how's that for alliteration! eheh), i will have plenty of time to write - and no big thoughts, so really, this will be just fine... i think!
my question for today is: what makes music spiritual and uplifting or not?
i have media player on right now, and i've set it on a playlist that has a bunch of music that i've collected over the past year - mostly from what people have sent me, and some from stuff that i've ripped, etc. but nothing on this playlist is "religious" music. but i like the songs, and they do affect my mood or whatever... so what does it take to be considered "religious" music - or just normal everyday music?
i guess, yes, i can understand how some of the more... shall we say graphic pieces that pop music has come out with is totally NOT spiritual, but i mean, the line gets slightly grey when it comes to "butterflies and hurricanes" by muse - a song which is all about changing your life.
anyway, i won't belabor this point any longer! i'd like to hear your thoughts... if you're still around! it seems that everyone has left for the summer... or lost internet access! *sigh*

stray thoughts

i've been thinking a lot this past week about what makes individuals spiritually connected. most of you have probably heard me talking here or there about my spiritual twin... and that's one example of a person that i have found that is almost exactly like me... we are similar in the way that we talk, act and understand concepts/situations. (i use the world similar.. we're not EXACTLY the same, eheh)... but this phenomenon.... that is, finding a person that is similar to you, and who you can actually trust (the people most similar to us are the ones that know us best - and know vulnerabilities best as well!) is not uncommon.
when you do find that person..or people as the case may be, you might forge some sort of connection. and my question is just that: what makes people connected... so with your ST (or kindred spirit, as some might call it), what makes that person your twin?
see, we can all relate to each other to varying degrees. that's easy enough since empathy is a pretty fundamental emotion - even if modern day western society is working to destroy it! but what increases or decreases the degree to which we relate to each other? and is it possible to create those points of connection artificially? (so is it possible to make yourself relate to someone else?)
i'll write some more thoughts at a less ungodly hour of the morning!

shallow.. oh so shallow me...

well, folks, i've just walked a full day on the streets of downtown toronto... *in my defense, i did go to the art gallery, and tomorrow i plan on hitting up the ROM during supper or something*
so in the midst of overpriced "stuff"... i've come to the conclusion that the best way of dealing with the draw of consumerism is to not buy anything at all. however, i realize that while that's a good method of treating "shopper's syndrome" while travelling... it's not practical for life.
yes, salty hank, this means that everyone needs to shop at some point.
so my question for the day is this: how do you judge what price is justified for an item?
ex: value village vs. holt renfrew?

anyway, i await your comments.... let me say.. i like travelling alone much better than my current predicament.
UPDATE YOUR BLOGS!!!!

the little things...

they say that it's always the little things in life that get to us most. a cumulative effect... like ten fingernails on a chalkboard instead of just the one...
i've never quite understood why, and tonight i understand it even less, but it seems to me that if someone could develop an immunity to "the little things" - they'd be quite powerful.
it strikes me that every life changing experience also starts out with some small, miniscule act. and you would never have dreamed it possible at that fateful moment.. but a year later - looking back, you can see your errors for what they were.
and then, you're surrounded by your mistake. you have constant reminders... maybe other people don't realize that you see it as a disaster - and they remind you of it, inadvertently. it's never in a big way - maybe it's even in passing. the gods are cruel, afterall.
so here there's a word in the newspaper that triggers a memory, so you go for a walk to clear your head... and then a smell reaches your olfactory receptors (just for you, ST), and, disgusted, you decide to listen to some music... maybe if you activate another sense it might destroy the others - but no.. even there, more reminders...
friends, i believe i've just figured out why people go mad.
they say that closure is important in allowing people to move on and deal with their past. but i ask you: how is this possible? how is it possible to erase memories and emotions and thoughts?
of course, you will say, no, no, it's about dealing with it.
yes, fine deal with it... but how?
how do you deal with the little things? i mean, i can see how you can block this or that out.. or move on from some causative event... but the effect of a single "little thing" is never great - it is the cumulative effect of many of these "little things" that has the power to twist the minds of human beings. (yes, jonathon, i did not say "twist the minds of men".. note also, i did not give in to the radical feminist stereotype that i am by saying women instead of men or human beings - do i get kudose points for that?!?)
so do you see a resolution in sight?
i sure don't.

patefactum

by the way... my friend the pre-right honoUrable jonathon has started posting again.... go check out his site

- YHS

my thoughts have come back!

alright guys, haji's back and ready to start making you think about more than just stupid monkeys and making salty hank and jonathon get frustrated with each other....

i'm wondering what makes a person burn out, and what gets them inspired to live again. my st and i have come to the conclusion that people burn out when they lose hope.. or rather, lose the courage to pursue their goals.
here's a quotation to back that up:

courage is like love; it must have hope to nourish it. - napoleon bonaparte

now, so the thing is.. if burning out is you losing the will to go on with your hopes and dreams... then what can get you back in your personal 'fast track'?

anyway, i'll quit writing...
as polonius once said....
"Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit, And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes, I will be brief"

and i shall.

quotation of the WEEK

this one's for jonathon and salty hank. you both should know better than to fight over a silly blog post by someone like me!

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
- Robert Wilensky

take care, boys.

for my old friend, salty hank....

hey SH - i lived in gibraltar for a couple of months last summer.. and i met someone that reminded me of you.... :P
interestingly enough.. when i compared your dna to his.. i found that they were more than 96% identical! go figure...
(btw. i did actually take this photo in gib. these furry creatures are native to the mountain... behind him, you can see the strait of gibraltar... and one day, i'll post a picture that is aimed to the left of harry over here, and you can see morocco!)
so the question of the day for you folks....
what IS the difference between a person like salty hank, and a monkey like harry? obviously humans and monkeys are different... yet our dna is so similar....

for the procratinators in the crowd....

i was bored a little while ago.. and i thought that today, i would do a blog entry in pictures.... i don't think words are necessary to explain these ones...



hahah, good luck with exams, everyone! remember: in the big scheme of things - none of this really matters!

hypocrisy galore

hy·poc·ri·sy ( P ) Pronunciation Key (h-pkr-s)
n. pl. hy·poc·ri·sies

1. The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.
2. An act or instance of such falseness

...according to dictionary.com.... (just so i can say i wasn't plagiarising...)

i had a some friends over last night... and the topic turned to the old quotation i'm sure you're all familiar with "let deeds not words be your adorning"... it was interesting for me, because i've been faced with that all week - hypocrisy, that is.
i'm a biochemistry student - just finishing off my 2nd year, and interestingly enough, i'm beginning to meet a lot of my fellow majors in this last month of school. for those of you who do not know, biochemistry is a "feeder" to colleges such as medicine, dentistry, vet. med, etc. so of course, a lot of the students that i meet are pre-somethings and extremely competitive. i could care less about what a person wants to do with his/her life... and how they get themselves there.. well, i'll just try to get out of their way (i don't like being a doormat, thank you very much), but i do care why you're going to do something...
it struck me back in high school, too.. this attitude of "i'm going to be a doctor because it makes lots of money" - news flash for you, kids: you want money? go into business - or make a brilliant discovery (eg. invent your own DNA). professions such as medicine no longer pay what they used to relative to other professions. in any case, i'd hope, at least, that my doctor would care about who i am, as opposed to how many times s/he can make me visit him/her so that i can help fund the cruise trip that year!
so, last night, i'm talking to these friends of mine about hypocrisy - out of the blue.. i didn't bring it up. and today, thinking back on it.. i wonder, are there different levels of hypocrisy?
so, for example, is it worse for someone to go into a profession like medicine for the money, and not to help people.... or say, commit to an organization knowing full well you're never going to fulfill half of its requirements for members?
maybe i'm just biased towards certain situations, but i think that it must depend on your motivation.... so perhaps, your level of "falseness" is dependent on the instance in question, and to the magnitude of the effect it has on your environment...
however, if we go back to the definition above, it seems that there is no gray area here.. it's a matter of you either do as you say, or you don't, and it's as simple as that....
ideas? i'd like to hear them....

- a very confuzzled crazy haji

quotation of the day

If you want to understand the meaning of happiness, you must see it as a reward and not as a goal.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

for more on the meaning of happiness - see below

...for my most critical editor in life....

ah, rainy days....

well, yesterday was the first rain of the year. it was, allow me to say, brilliant. today, the sun is out, birds are chirping (i can hear them even with my window closed - soon, they'll be waking me at 4AM... the little buggers!!!.. i mean, i love the birds... *stupid magpies taking over silverwood!*) ok, right i digress....
its' a wonderful day out!
it's an interesting feeling.... as if, somehow, even the human population here is coming out of hibernation... stretching and opening their eyes for the first time all winter... (we've had about 2 months of clouds and blizzards - cut us some slack! when the irish say they hate rainy days.... i say to them... well, at least not EVERYTHING you see is white!)
and after the rain yesterday... see, rainy days... they seem to have a certain melancholy hopefulness to them. glad tidings, almost... some might even call it.... cleansing. it makes you ponder and look out the window and sigh.... (to my irish friends: i can see how this can get depressing if it's every other day at random times)
anyway, that was my ode to rainy days..... kindy wimpy and bleagh, but i tried!

in other news:
i've decided that april fool's day is not about the person who is tricked being the fool... but more about the trickster being foolish enough to find the trick funny. i pulled probably the worst prank possible on a friend yesterday morning (i was up early... and really bored!) only to find out that death had come knocking on this person's door on friday night. (apparently death's knock is: "shave and a haircut - two bits!")
and i recall... a few years back... a different friend of mine had gotten me good.... by telling me that her sister (who is a year older than i) was engaged. whoa boy, did that one get me good!
in any case, i'm wondering what you all think of the ol' poisson d'avril!
leave one.... or many...

question of the day: education

well, folks, i guess we've come to a conclusion about the question of "what is happiness".

the answer, aptly stated by one "s" is : happiness = warm bath
stay tuned for more insightful answers to the critical questions of life.

education is necessary to wholistic human development. DISCUSS.

good luck with that one everyone.. go ahead and sign anonymously or not if you like.... i'm sure everyone would love to hear what you say... i'll start writing back too, i promise!

*sam - you'd BETTER comment!

the second holocaust

not to take away from the wonderful discussing happening one post down (i plan on adding to it soon enough) but this link just got sent to me. the author implies that a second holocaust might be in its embryonic stages at this very moment.
i'll let you judge for yourselves. feel free to comment...and since it seems that we like anonymous comments... please, by all means, be my guest.

question of the day

alright..
in addition to the questions below... i would like to ask the following.... (this has come up in more than one recent conversation.... eek!)

what is happiness?

and if that doesn't cause what a good friend of mine calls a "brain fart".... i don't know what will!
but write your thoughts.. sign them anonymously if you're just that self-conscious....

initiating contact

Here are a couple of photos I thought were slightly interesting... I was messing with my camera yesterday and found a few interesting "modes"... sam.. the one at left is just for you! stay tuned for more! (sorry for the formating... blogger and I are not getting along very well today....)
In any case.... I wanted to discuss well, several things, but I won't bring them up just yet....
for today's post, i thought i'd go back to my "seinfeld" motif.
my title for this blog entry "initiating contact" sounds a bit awkward, i realize, however, i think it suits this entry perfectly.
anyway, so, my question for the day is:

what is the procedure on the "call back"? or, in this disgustingly technological age, "msg me, sometime, eh?"

i do believe this was actually discussed on seinfeld - but it was in regards to the morning after... as in, so you have a "great" night with someone... then you're obligated to call them back, etc etc..
in my case, i'm speaking a lot more generally... for example, many people say "yeah, i'll give ya a call sometime" - friends! not just some person you go out on an awkward date with... or one of my friends does the "i'll call you right back, ok?"
now, i must admit, i am very much "contact" shy. so i feel weird calling even my best friends - what if they're busy, or don't want to talk or... a million what ifs! however, if i tell you i'm going to call, chances are, unless something stupid happens, that i will.
on the other hand... people that go through the horrible experience of leaving me a message (with my parents or voice mail).... well, good luck on getting a call back from me... i'll do everything in my power to avoid it. excuses, staring at the phone.... perhaps even dialing and then hanging up.. ahaha (i can even SEE sam saying aww, tah)
in my defence, I KNOW i'm not the only one out there with callerphobia. not to be confused with cholera, although both are potentially deadly. eheh
anyway, let me know your thoughts.

handsblog

in an effort to impress me, jonathon has posted the most updates in one day to date - earning him a place in guiness record history.
might i say, dearest jonathon, if this feminist were possibly lesbian, she would consider going straight just for you....
ahahahahaha
more on feminism later.

by the way, his posts really are quite funny. OAW is too.. but they're two different classes of funny. which makes them both funny! so you should check them both out.. links are to the right.

of course, a note...

well, scroll down and you'll find my latest update of poem of the week. a friend of mine put in some requests today about possible topics i could write on, and i plan on fulfilling my promise to him. so rumi it was. i opened up my book to this poem and to "form is ecstatic" (note: the titles are given by the translator, coleman barks - when rumi wrote, it was just a flow of writing.... his volumes of poetry have no beginning or end).
personally, i like "form is ecstatic" better... but i decided to put "wake and walk out" up.. mostly because it discusses the need to investigate truth.
however, my opinion is beside the point.. i'll let you have a read over it and leave some comments.. then perhaps i'll explain what i think rumi is talking about....

Wake and Walk Out

By: Rumi

If I flinched at every grief, I
would be an intelligent idiot. If

I were not the sun, I'd ebb and
flow like sadness. If you were not

my guide, I'd wander lost in Sanai.
If there were no light, I'd keep

opening and closing the door. If
there were no rose garden, where

would the morning breezes go? If
love did not want music and laughter

and poetry, what would I say? If
you were not medicine, I would look

sick and skinny. If there were no
leafy limbs in the air, there would

be no wet roots. If no gifts were
given, I'd grow arrogant and cruel.

If there were no way into God, I
would not have lain in the grave of

this body for so long. If there were no
way from left to right, I could not

be swaying with the grasses. If
there were no grace and no kindness,

conversation would be useless, and
nothing we do would matter. Listen

to the new stories that begin every
day. If light were not beginning

again in the east, I would not now
wake and walk out inside this dawn.

overheard at western

i would also like to point out to you a new link in my links section.... overheard at western is my latest favorite site... second only to my own blog. :P
check it out. it rocks the socks off handsblog!
KIDDING!

my sister and i

i've been told to find shots of me smiling. here's one for now... you people do realize i had to go back almost a YEAR to find one? hehe i'm kidding... but really...
i'll update with something decent later tonight...

my blogger and i

well, sorry bout that... blogger and i have been having some interpersonal difficulties. fortunately, they seem to be resolved at the moment.

my question for you tonight is this: why do we do what we do... in short: what makes us humans tick? and then think on a smaller scale: what makes you tick?
it strikes me, as i sit here, dying of sleepiness... that the immediate reply to the above question is 'well, it's important to...." mr. x - or myself, or whoever... but then, why is it important to that person?
for example, i'm currently studying biochemistry... it's important to me yes... actually, i'm loving my classes - but what makes it important to me? (by the way, i DO know why it's important.. my question is general. i.e. this is not a life issue for me!)
another example... this one completely different... you know that irritating thing person y does? why do they do it? why is it that my brother taught my sister to say "ahhh" after she takes a sip of water?
you see, while humans are creatures of habit (hence this blog)... we still have quite a bit of control over what we do.. therefore, i submit that we allow certain actions to become subconcious, but that we do, in reality, have quite a bit of control.
anyway, i've lost my train of thought... and well, since my writing is more of a junkyard of thought, i doubt that any of you understood what i'm trying to get at regardless, so meh.

take care all

newspapers, editors, and God???

well, this past friday, (most of you know this story from personal experience, i realize), every student at the university of saskatchewan got an email from the president himself demanding that the sheaf, the university's student paper, formally apologize to all students, faculty and staff for publishing a comic entitled "capitalist piglets" and not publishing the comics of the Prophet Muhammad.
i read this and was like "what the hell is he going on about? comparing capitalists to a Prophet?" i think i thought a few curse words as well, and then got over it and was like, meh, even our president's on crack.
the weekend went on, and i hopped onto the bus this morning and an acquaintance of mine (mr. x) sits down in the seat in front of me and we start to chat. he mentioned the email from the prez, and i was like, "yeah, why's he so for publishing those comics of Muhammad??" and mr x is like, what? didn't you SEE what they published?
dear friends, my university's student paper was stupid enough to write that they were not going to publish any of the comics portraying the Prophet Muhammad, out of respect, etc... and then, published the most blashemous (and i've travelled, folks, i've seen my share of blasphemy.... can anyone say father ted???) most blashemous, disrespectful, explicit (as in i don't want my sister going anywhere NEAR those comics) and wrong comics (yes, more than one) about Jesus Christ Himself. i dare not recount what they've portrayed the Son of God as....
all this.... published on Ash Wednesday.
you'd think maybe they could've done the standard "pick on feminists due to international women's day" instead!
so here's the thought of the day, folks... what has led our society to such decadence that it is drawn to portray not only great historical figures, but Messengers of God, in such a manner that would've been demeaning to any individual... i, personally, cannot understand it.
and so that's that for the sheaf and i. it's officially sunk in my mind.... i mean, before i was like, yeah, it's trash.. but so's everything else... but no, this.. this is a new low.
i agree with jonathon. we should make a bonfire out of this week's papers. (the fools didn't even remove the paper from the racks.... that's how i got a look at them...)

trapped... with myself!

hey everyone.. well, i don't normally do the whole "talk about emotions" kinda thing.. but this is as close as i'm going to come to it i hope....
sam has been a loving ST and gotten me to get my ass off msn and into my books... so i'm basically under study-arrest (very similar to house arrest and cardiac arrest..) and tonight, i even started on the coffee.. it's disastrous, i know. but with the fast and all, i find that i'm just not motivated during the day, and at night i'm like: must work!
anyway, the moral of this story is this: most of you have one of my many email addresses... USE THEM and also leave comments on this here's blog... i am going to die if i'm going to stick out the no-msn thing till my last final.. which is on the 22nd of april... *gulp*
i will be updating this blog more regularly.. i want to get back to my poem of the week.. and possibly add in quotation of the week as well.. or of the day, whichever works....
stay tuned this week for a commentary on international women's day (march 8).
anyway, i must be off..
check out the links i have up.. there's some pretty interesting stuff there.. and quite a diverse array of blogs, and websites! ...i'm a particular big fan of news with herr heinz and of views from central canada... *also note... the link titles i've put up are not the actual titles of the sites/blogs necessarily.... so don't judge these sites by their links... *that cliche was for you, sam!

take care everyone!
and if you live in saskatoon.... have a safe and not too stuck time... (i've been getting stuck all week, and driving like matt damon in bourne supremacy... i just need the soundtrack now!!!)

more junkyard photos

my friend... has graciously sent me a few photos that more accurately describe my state of thought... "this is more junkyardy, tah" she said...


this one is called "pile of crap" - she thought it was very well suited to my post.

and the following... just relates to the amount of crap that is there...

junkyard of thought

well, i've been told by several people these past few days that my writing is extremely difficult to sift through. my initial response to most of these people: quit being so lazy.
but then, and forgive me for saying this, i was told by one of my closest... well, i guess you could call her a friend, by one of my closest friends that my way of thinking is not a "train of thought" as one would hope in normal circumstances, but a "junkyard of thought".
of course, being who i am, i find this statement quite fascinating, and obviously quite true (for the record, i am not afraid of the truth. i am, however, afraid of what people like to pass as the truth - see freemind is dead) so, for this blog post, i want to try to find out what constitutes a "junkyard of thought", prove to you beyond a doubt that that really is all that there is in my mind, and then see what kind of an answer i'll get from you folks!

now, the term train of thought suggests that there is a tangible link between one idea or concept and the next, and that it is presented in such a fashion. this goes to the heart of the five-paragraph essay, which we all had to write at some point, and are still struggling to escape. so as you can see from the train shown above here, usually these ideas will be old, traditional, black and coal-run steam engines (ie. not very fast)
however, even slower are those rusty, old pieces of metal that you will find in a junkyard. the picture at right shows a perfect example of the types of trains found in my mind. (i believe you can also find them in some communist countries as well... and in dundurn.) as you can see, these trains are old, rusty, and unlinked.. and three out of the four would have once been engines... lending power to the other cars and pulling them through it all. my thoughts are very much like this junkyard. they could have once done some service to the world, but now they only pollute, are being degraded and are extremely unpleasant to see.
now, my friends that cannot understand my writing probably find this to be true.
the only thing that scares me is this: to those of you who think you can understand me better by reading this blog... what does that say aboug me in general???

the above is dedicated to the one who cleans out my junkyard. you know who you are...

new post.

well, it strikes me that my posting has become quite haphazard (sorry for the spelling shawn and sahar... i'll say this: to shawn, i'm persian, excuse me; to sahar, i'm canadian, please, allow me to beg for your pardon) (alternatively, if i did spell haphazard right... hah! in your faces! - not really....)
anyway! moving SWIFTLY onwards.... saskatchewan as it were...
right, so my posting is quite random these days. i apologize to my loyal readership that no longer includes even samira. *sniff, sob... almost tear... so therefore, i've decided to write more often, as my goal of having a brilliant readership which consists of the liquid crystals in this display has been accomplished... (and also because a good friend of mine insists that i write more)
today, i have two thoughts. the first is about books, and the second is about dreams (as in goals and aspirations)
*also, may i ask that those of you who do not yet speak french learn damned quickly.. i really don't know how much longer i can keep the one language only thing up... my brain's too screwed up for that!
last week, i was honored to receive a few books... and after having read most of italo calvino's "if on a winter's night a traveller", i'm beginning to see books in a different light. see, they've always been this other world that i've escaped to (as most persian children will do... especially in the area that i live in) but books are extremely personal. i remember, back when i was 12, my uncle kasra gave me two books - pride and prejudice, and david copperfield. two books which have graced my bookshelf, and brought honor to my library.... and with which i hope never to part! and it's funny, because they've really affected me. david copperfield i still have not finished, 7 years after the fact... but pride and prejudice i've read dozens of times, (it's even travelled with me), and it has greatly influenced my life and my relationships with other people... (to all those guys who say they don't know what women want.... read pride and prejudice. trust me. it's all there) how can i explain this..
ah yes.. teegan, sahar and i. (i hope you two will not mind my using your names... feel free to yell at me later).... us three are quite the little group when it comes to music. sahar and i, well, we have quite similar taste... but that's mostly because i think, we're similar in a few ways... i personally, like her taste in music mainly because most of it is rock/punk/slightly pop type stuff.. and i like to blast my brain cells dead as opposed to drink them dead. now... the other day, teegan and i were out... and teegan had made a mixed cd, and she stuck it in my cd player for a friend of ours to listen to... she made a comment along the lines of "tahereh doesn't like my music, she hates it, and likes sahar's type of music." now, the thing is this: i poke fun at both girl's taste in music, mostly because that's what i do best - and me being honest is, well, quite a hard thing! however, if i ever did take the time to actually listen to both types.... (let me add that sahar's burnt me so many cds that that's my cd collection right now... so teegan, really!) haha, no it struck me that music, no matter what type it is, is quite personal.. to the extent that it occured to me that i do not like people to hear or see my humble collection.... teegan and sahar are both confident people, and so they are proud to show off most of the music they like, and state it like a fact: THIS is good music.
now, the same applies to books. my collection is quite odd, really.. a mishmash of scifi, poetry by the likes of blake and rumi, religious texts galore (from various faiths), textbooks, history... classic novels by such noted authors as chopin, austen, moore and conrad... it's by no means complete, and i have a lot that i need to add to it but it also does not include all the books that i have read in my life.... and to most of you, i'd be hard pressed to admit to what does and does not appeal to me. the reason, i guess, is simple, it's a bit of a back door into my life... isn't it? and is it not so with all art forms?
what about the paintings and posters that hang on my walls? what does that say to you about me? or the sheet music on my shelf... and the films next to them?
so now we come to the idea of sharing art with others... i find it's hard enough to give someone a cd, or a novel that i think they should read... and then i worry about giving them something i've written myself... yikes! it's like you're opening a door for them... one which perhaps should not be opened.
in any case, so i received a few books.... all from the same source.. and it strikes me as interesting, because i wonder why these ones? i'm positive that the giver could not imagine what the feelings of the receiver would be upon receipt of the pieces... so that could not have been his motivation... so then what was it? (note: to answer this question, all necessary information has been given... hehe no tricks.)
in any case, i've completely lost my train of thought... must read more of "in a winter's night a traveller"...
i've also been wondering today about dreams... and destiny... one's Personal Legend as one author puts it... actually... i'm sorry... my mind's a bit too convoluted to write about this just now...
perhaps tomorrow...
ah, here's a question for you, however....
how much should one sacrifice for one's goals?

oh valentine's day...

well, today is the day before that oh-so-horrible day... valentine's... disgusting really... the most pointless of all holidays... well, perhaps there are more pointless ones.... no, actually, i can't think of any just now..
in any case... you all know the usual characteristics about this time of the year... disunity.... anxiety... pain... commercialism... pressure... depression, as well, probably. i find this all very fascinating...
i, personally, barely remembered that vday was this week - until my friend aired a radio show that was basically an "ode to vday".. and well, this same friend keeps on reminding me about it... and while her and i are quite similar, i guess on this point we differ... whch is interesting because i really don't know what to attribute it to. i'm not any more calm, cool or collected.. and i certainly do not have her confidence about life... so i can't figure it out.
in any case, i find this quite fascinating... that a holiday so secular we no longer know its true roots - or even have much of a myth to go by - can have such an influence over us that we actually think that on this one day everything should be about romance and love.
i know what you're going to say to that... it's my first thought as well. our society is quite commercial and consumerist and vday is merely another commercial break... however, i do wonder if there is more to it. because with this day... you either hate it or you love it - and you can cross between the black and white so that if a person hates it one year, they might love it the next.. just depending on their life situation.
anyway.... it's way too early in the morning for me to be any more thoughtful than i am...

Bedside Manners.

you know, it's funny. doctors, and i do this all the time, are always ragged on for how little "bedside manners" they have. they're expected to have this considerate, caring demeanor and to know exactly what facial expression to have at exactly the right time... so when a patient doesn't get the treatment they expected.... well, it's obviously the doctor's fault, right?
so it is with other things in life... a friend of yours will do something you didn't expect them to do - maybe said something to you that was out of line... or behaved in a manner completely opposite their personality... so you ask yourself "who the hell is this kid that i thought i knew so well?" .. you don't stop to ask "why is he/she acting this way?"
my point is this: when someone does something unexpected, our reaction should not be to lash out at the individual for being unpredictable or going against their responsilibilities or whatever... but it should be one of loving-kindness.. soothing almost.. what if the person's reason was escape? or fear? or out of love?
did you stop to ask?
i know this one kid that'll stop an argument or a discussion when it gets too loud... his brain just shuts down, and all you can get from him is an "ok" or "as you wish". and it's weird, because even just a year ago, he would've punched back that much more harder.... but now, you couldn't have slapped him and gotten a more adverse reaction.
weird, no?
but i wonder, if you even just take the time to give the kid a hug, and ask him what's goin on.. will he react in the same way? (btw, for brevity and clarity i've used the pronoun "he" - the kid in question, however, is not necessarily a male).
my point is this: before you get mad at the doctor, friend, or whoever who does something that you didn't expect - be a little compassionate... ask yourself what on earth could've gotten him to do this... and be a little more soft spoken... you might just be surprised at the results...
and his justification might even be reasonable!

snow day? ...stress relief

you know, i go to lunch often in the cafeteria at STM, one of our catholic colleges (i believe we have more than one, no? i don't know...) at the u of s.. .and as i sit there, sipping my soup.. for their soup is so wonderful.... mmm.... soup....
anyway, there are always these little cards from some health group at school... (an affiliate of the USSU, i do not know...) you know, asking you how your menstrual cycle is going, whether you've got meningitis.. the usual... perhaps a costlysaurus or two in there....
this week: STRESS AND ANXIETY
do you feel stressed?
do you have troubles breathing? troubles focusing? studying?
etc....
let me just say, for the record.. i've only read stupider questions in my lifestyles class - do you feel suicidal? (hullo! do you really think i'm dumb enough to get myself landed in counselling???)
anyway, so the plan here is this:
you want stress relief? you feel like life is taking you under?
here are some real life solutions
1. do not, i repeat, do not go out and find yourself a significant other - this only leads to stress developing into hypertension. and trust me, you don't want hypertension at your age....
2. drink water - not coffee, kill the earl grey, and folks - alcohol... not the way to go (and i say this out of medical expertise... and well, concern.. heheh - i AM allowed that, right?)
3. focus on the end result - this is just a means to an end, remember? and you'll get through it!
4. a lot of other people are in the same boat - not exactly the same one (mine's ducttaped for example... so you wouldn't want to be in my boat, ya know?)
5. ah yes.... i've now lost my train of thought.... oh right: SLEEP (but only to be well rested...)

and with that in mind.... i should head it! it's like 1am. and i got a full day tomorrow... so much for taking my own advice (which i've totally plagiarized off a friend of mine who routinely has to give me stress-defibrillation....)
feel free to vent it all out here guys, just keep the language PG. :P

travel bug

so i watch way too much tv...
my question for the day is: what makes us want to travel? or not?

you know, it's funny... growing up the way that i have, i've always thought that everyone wants to travel - go places, not knowing what you're doing.... but as i've gotten older, and after having travelled, i've come to realize that this is not how the world works.

i met people in gib who hadn't crossed the border into spain, ever... never even hopped a ferry over to morroco.... (we're talking going from my house to like, warman - a full five minutes)... in SK it's the same deal... some people haven't left the province, or anything.. and i can understand perhaps the cost, or whatever.. but what gets me is the desire to leave... it's just not there!
that's fine, i mean, to each his own.. but i'm just trying to understand this phenomenon. for me, i think that travelling is about wanting to push back barriers... go beyond the status quo, and the thing is that there are many ways of doing that. perhaps that's what it is... for me, the only way i have left to push back at life is, well, this stupid blog, and making myself face things i've never faced before - as painful as that may be... and as horrible the consequences thereof.
i also think that it has to do with how much you want to question the world. (oh, right note: i don't travel for tourism.. i travel to learn the lifestyle... and seeing the odd historical museum or site doesn't hurt! :P )
so, after taking anthropology for example, i really have a different attitude about culture and how it's built and why we do things differently... in short, it's taught me how to question culture. my being a Baha'i has taught me to question everything in life period (the biggest principle in the Baha'i Faith is the independent investigation of truth - so finding things out for yourself - say hello to my reason for always having conversations that make everyone sleepy) and university - it's all about questions. teaches you how to ask them. (any kid who says that uni teaches the answers too is not thinking. you'll get some answers in science.. but they're always basic... my entire information transfer class consists of : it's been suggested that.... consider this... blah blah blah)
so i kinda see the travel bug as wanting to question life intellectually... that and damn, do i miss some of my friends!

hey! i do actually have some friends.. and the fact that they're not imaginary is proven from me having pictures! (NO i do not have an airbrushing program...)

so how do you see it? do you want to travel? and if so, why and when do you plan on going? and where to?
i have a few friends, who express a desire to travel, but are nervous bout going on their own (yes, by a few, i mean more than one)... and let me say, i've offered to take them along... even fly there and back with them so that they can have someone to go through customs with and navigate airports, whatever... and the answer's always: well, we'll see... my parents always said that.. and we'll see always meant: forget it.. but i'll be nice to you and let you dream.
well, to those friends, the offer's always open...
also, i think that some of you might get the impression that haji wants to up and leave SK all together. no, i said : travel.. that means go, and come back. i do love this place. and you know, the more i travel, the more i love it here... i have a lot of family overseas, and a few friends both out of province and overseas.... and they also say : we'll see.. but to coming here... think there's nothing to see in SK or in canada... it's their loss, quite frankly. i've seen sunrises and sunsets off the coasts of seven different countries... (coasts... like, next to a sea or ocean)... and i've seen a great many in lots of other places that are mainland.... nothing.. and let me repeat for clarity: nothing compares to the skies in SK. not all the green and blue of ireland (not even their leprechaun gold), or seeing the sun come up over the Mountain of God (see religious texts for locations... - it was spiritual, yes... magnificent, totally.... but it doesn't compare.. skies there and here are on two different levels).... in barcelona you can't ever see the sky.. and, well, shall i go on? i'd only be redundant if i did.
however, that being said, i still want to travel. it's like this: you know when you love something or someone... and you know it, but it's such a part of you that you'll joke and make fun of it... and you don't realize how much it means to you.... you leave... you'll know how much it meant to you. and you'll see all your faults and imperfections in all their glory.... i've never apologized to my parents so much as when i did when i was away from them (culture shock - if you're with friends, it won't be half so bad, i promise) . but it was necessary.
and you might be getting kinda scared or overwhelmed... reading me saying that travelling is this wonderful and horrible thing... and you might say, i'm not ready, i'm not this, i'm not that... let me ask you: are you ready for anything? really, are you? the exam this friday? the gig you play with mr. x at the fanciest club y in town z? or to put yourself on the line for that friend of yours? nah, forget it- you're not ready. you can't be. but sometimes, you just gotta sit back, and say, to hell with it - and as we used to say when we were kids, and life were simpler... ready or not, here i come!
and go.

writer's block... yet again!

whoever coined the term "writer's block" probably jinxed all future writers... (possibly with the exception of j.k. rowling.... although, she seems to be using her block as a means to kill off all her characters - don't be surpised if hp7 features harry on his death bed)
oh, right, to those of you who read a couple of posts that came up and disappeared again...
i was being inappropriate and insulting, and i definitely overstepped all the bounds of decency. to those involved (you know who you are), i sincerely apologize. and be assured, i have learnt my lesson....

to use a term coined by the person in question...
moving swiftly onwards....
writer's block.. yes... it's like freezing on air... cept for there's a lot more pressure on air... i should know, my friend sahar sat me down at a mic at the station... and i begged her not to put me on, sure enough, (i thought my ears were fooling me...) she turned on my mic and introduced me to whoever was listening (hopefully on that day, no one....) i literally froze.... funny, i can give talks in front of a couple hundred people, no problem... but this was an entirely different matter...
anyway, here i am... completely at a loss.... today was one of those blah days where you wake up knowing that you're not going to accomplish anything, so why the hell should you bother? yeah....

ah yes, let us discuss board games and how they set people on personal vendettas....
i hadn't see it since high school, but last night i had a very interesting experience. first of all, i nearly won at a board game (this never happens - i blame it on beginner's luck....) secondly, i got to witness people getting riled up over a little game! it was wonderful - let me say, i haven't laughed so much since... well... boy.. i can't even remember that far back!
on thing that struck me though, was this game my friend made up... (or maybe she didn't, but i'm pinning it on her) was "guess the emotion" - it was hilarious, she'd make faces (they were all the same... but don't tell her! she WAS trying to make them all different....)... but it was an interesting thing, because it reminded me of something another friend said to me last week "you can't just turn off your emotions, tahereh" she said... (not about me, if you know me, you'd know that even i realize that my emotions did not come equipped with an on/off button.... God, i blame that one on You!) and so when this other friend of mine was busy trying to switch from emotion to emotion, i was quite amused (also crying from laughing so hard....)
nevertheless, i wonder if it is possible to turn one's emotions on and off... it is possible to lie, even to oneself, about one's feelings... and you can "plan" (according to the self-help section, which is taking over the literature section of all bookstores... disgusting... and the minds of a few of my friends...) you can "plan" how you're going to get through the day.... *although, with that i disagree... but that's for reasons that most of you would curse me if i spoke of... yes, canada's biggest social taboo (other than discussing the fact that racism prevails) - God - no! i even typed it... phew.. don't kill me, guys!
but i do think it possible to turn emotions on and off... to love someone one day, and loathe them the next... we're creatures that are easily influenced by society, the people around us and our physical surroundings - not to mention our state of mind... i think this is how many of us sleep at night...
anyway, that's my little thought for today.. i've tired myself out. so i'm off to bed...

by the way... i realize that this has gotten way to stream of consciousness.... any ideas on how i can get back to structuring this all would be very much appreciated...

photos...

Me wearing someone's spectacles and in a wig... Also in my room... in case some of you were wondering what the INSIDE looks like... ehehe... actually, my wall looks quite empty.. but really there's a lot of stuff behind my head.. meh... oh, right, in case you were wondering why i'm wearing someone's specs and a wig... i plan on looking smart in uni.. i figure, if i look smart, i might be able to imagine myself into it! (yes, sahar, it IS possible!)

Saskatoon is hoarfrosty... this was taken from our kitchen window which opens onto the balcony.... i have some better photos elsewhere... i should go find them....

are we what we watch?

alright, so funny thought of the day: if we are what we eat, are we also what we watch?
sam and i were jokingly discussing this today... she was watching desperate housewives - a show that yes, i have tried to watch, but you know, with a title like that, i'm sorry, i really can't! so i said to sam: what you watch is a reflection of you!
we didn't discuss it much, which i attribute to how diverting desperate housewives is... that and, well, i mean, we're talking about sam... she can't really handle two things at once (now, can you sam? :P )
anyway! it's an interesting thought i think.... i mean, we definitely know that what you watch and listen to will affect you - but is it a reflection of yourself?
taking it one step further - could this be a reason why different shows wil appeal to you at different periods in your life?
i look at the different shows and characters that particularly appeal to me - and i do see that, to an extent. especially today. generally, these characters are the sarcastic, stubborn - single! - people in the shows... intelligent... yes, ironically only the first three are directly related to me... the intelligence part is why i talk to people like samira!
music wise - i think it's crucial to have different types of music set out to help you through different times. happy music for those happy days, break up music - to help you move on, content music - for when you're travelling through the roads from galway to the cliffs of moher... angry music - to make sure you don't punch out the wall and just sit and work through it instead...
that's right, music therapy is my true calling.... none of this pediatrician stuff!
in any case... my old high school english teacher maintained that the art that you surround you with is a reflection of yourself. his classroom was cluttered with the largest collection of stuff - for that is all you can really call it! - and it was true.. he was also full of stuff.... mostly very good stuff.. hehe...
think about it.. when you walk into someone's house, or get into their car.... that's the first thing you notice... what's on their walls? paintings? posters? are there books or magazines or journals on their coffee table? what about the bookshelf? poetry, essays, novels, religious works or textbooks? and where is that bookshelf located? what music is playing? do they discuss this all with you?
i did read a particularly good essay about music a while ago; however, in light of recent events, i will not be dissecting it for you. and it seems that i can't recall enough of it to summarize it for you, either... in any case... the author was discussing why certain music appeals to certain people.. and how it's pointless to debate the topic. however, i disagree. it's important to discuss these things because it is critical to who we are as people. the arts have this capacity to manipulate your basest emotions as well as the depths of your soul, and we need to be able to understand this better... then those youths who enjoy rock music will have a way to shut down their parents once and for all... plus, for those of us that don't drink - it's a non-mind altering way of killing the most brain cells!
in all seriousness, though...
art as a reflection of ourselves... true/false... i'd choose true
but then, you gotta ask yourself - should we count TV as an art form?

Poem of the Week

Pain

By: Rumi

Pain comes from seeing how arrogant you've been, and
pain brings you out of this

conceit. A child cannot be born until the mother has pain.
You are pregnant with real

trust. The words of the prophets and saints are midwives
that help, but first you must feel

pain. To be without pain is to use the first person wrongly.
"I" am this. "I" am that.

"I" am God, like al-Hallaj, who waited till that was true to
say it. "I" at the wrong

time brings a curse. "I" at the right time gives a blessing.
If a rooster crows early,

when it's still dark, he must have his head cut off. What is
this beheading? As one might

extract a scorpion's sting to save it, or a snake's venom to
keep it from being stoned,

headlessness comes from your cleansing connection to
a teacher. Hold to

a true sheikh. Strength will come. Your strength is his
gathering you closer. Soul

of the soul of the soul, moment to moment, hope to draw breath
from that one. No matter

how long you've been apart. That presence has no separation
in it. Do you want to understand

more about this friendship? Read the sura called Daybreak.

thoughts of the day...

you know, it's interesting - yesterday was friday the 13th... interestingly enough it turned out to be the most eventful friday the 13th of my life. to those who made it so - thanks. i'll definitely be unable to forget you now!

in any case, i've been sitting here reminiscing... cuz, well, that's what i'm best at, i guess, especially when i feel like being useful - but it's ok, don't worry! my mom will get home tonight and bring out the ol' persian mother's whip and i'll get a few red'uns on my back and be on m'way soon enough!
but while i'm reminiscing...
i was thinking about lauguage. i've been reading this book called Epistle to the Son of the Wolf - really good read, i recommend picking up a copy if you're interested in wolves at all.. and their children...
in any case, the author discusses how words are more powerful than weapons these days. it's quite an interesting concept... there is truth to it as well. we can think about it on the international scale - look at the revolutions of the past 100 years they all began and ended with words. (you can argue otherwise, i know, but consider politics - revolutions in most countries begin with certain charismatic individuals saying that they can do better than the current leader - when the revolution is over, that new leader will make promise after promise.... all words to subdue a people). think about our current elections here in canada. no longer do our leaders duel each other - but they debate and accuse and dance around truth... you'd think that if we really wanted our leaders to have to "keep their promises" we'd have created some kind of contract system.... but we hold them to their "word".
business these days is the same. when a consultant is hired, it's usually over a game of golf or a dinner meeting, and the two companies will "agree" without signing anything. and they're held accountable based on that verbal agreement.
the same when it comes down to individuals around us. why is it that when mr. x says something to mr. y about his mama, mr. y has to respond - fights might even break out! are you kidding?! that sounds kinda ridiculous, no? but it's the truth, and we all know that it's (well, a common joke) a matter of dignity.
and so i was thinking today, do we actually think about what we say to each other.. do we think about what that means and are we ready to be held accountable?
when i was in in gibraltar, one of my biggest problems was that my cousins and i had trouble understanding each other's language - we all speak english, but it was still difficult. and the reason is that words have different meanings, and a different level of importance based on where you come from. this makes sense; language and culture are inextricably intertwined. so when my friend sahar says : my, was the little guy chuffed - i had no clue what she was talking about.... chuffed? what, did he gain weight? no, he was pleased with himself.
now, let's think about this a little. if words are so important, then it must be equally important to choose them with care. now, sometimes, one might say something out of haste - i might yell at my father and tell him: who the heck do you think you are - as opposed to, dearest sir, please kindly inform me regarding your reasons for your statement... etc.
but then you have to wonder - if you make a mistake... be it a little one: get lost, as opposed to please excuse me, or a big one: you are a(n) [insert curse word here]... and you say the wrong thing.. or you say something without thinking... does that make it a lie?
or did you just make a blunder... and like most capitalists, believe that it will all right itself?
i'd take the blunder side, personally... but then... let's tweak this scenario a little.... what if it's something really stupid.. like telling a student that you'll help them.. always saying it. how long should you go on? knowing that you're never going to really do it... a month? two perhaps? three??
no sir... the second it goes from a blunder to a continued charade.. then it's a lie.

don't ya think?

THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Alrighty.. so I've decided that I should not say I'm going to write something... but rather write it right then...
So, here's to not bashing organized religion today... We'll do it some other time, don't worry.
But today, I've been thinking a lot about career choices. For us youth, this decision is often one that is quite stressful - and one that society stresses upon. (As opposed to, say, choosing a life partner.. which to me, is a far more important decision - but is portrayed as much easier to decide and accomplish, in general!). I daresay that this year is one of transition for many people that I know.
I think that with choosing a career, which often means going to university or some other source of post secondary education, we see it as "the long haul", a final decision... or "a point of no return". Yet, I can assure you that upper year students, and the staff (not faculty, there's a difference in attitude, trust me) at any such post secondary institution will treat it as trivial. Your teachers and profs will put pressure on you; however, when you go to see an academic advisor, not only do they not know (in general) what is going on, they also really couldn't care less.
Interestingly enough, most people will change careers repeatedly in their lives. As I was telling one friend today, you could get an undergrad in biology, and do your master's and up in something like human geography (true story). In our own Saskatoon Symphony, there are doctors that play in it! So really, life is not as hard set as we'd like to think it is.
Actually, one friend of mine is a real free spirit compared to me in this regard.... I asked him the other day why he's chosen that uni's not for him, and he says to me "maybe it is? who knows, for now I'm doing [insert something here]"... and he's happy doing it and doing quite well, far's I can tell. He's right, in many ways, because, being young, smart and quick on your feet means that yeah, if you decide next term to go become a rocket scientist you could probably do it if you wanted it enough!
Also, I've noticed that uni students, especially first years (of whom I was one, and perhaps with my level of naivete, I should still be counted as one), really have this arrogance about them. So when a person decides to take some time off school (which is quite common - we all need breaks from the Hell they call university), a first year's first thought is ha! You obviously can't handle it! Whereas a more thoughtful and wise thought would be hmm... That's a very wise decision, if that's what you need to do. For those of you who are not in university, perhaps I should explain. The academic world is somewhat like the wizarding world in Harry Potter - muggles really don't know what's going on in there... however, by the same token, wizards are usually idiots when it comes to normal stuff. Academia is very exclusive, quite arrogant (I can even SEE some of you sniggering at this, but don't lie to yourself: knowledge leads to arrogance; it must be tempered with humility, and humility is not something our society values let alone promote!), and extremely condescending. Granted, no matter what you do in life, because we're all so specialized, we like to use language that is inaccessible to others... But it's not right.
But I digress! First years.. yes, like I was saying: to you who still have your noses in the air about people who are not in university or uni students who take or have taken or will take time off - what goes around comes around, and you know what? I hope that you learn not to judge others one day.
And yes, that was me judging you. I haven't learnt THAT much in my short life. But I do try to exercise at least minimal amounts of tact.
In any case, the next time you find yourself or a friend making a decision, especially one that involves careers and/or finances, remember this: nothing is ever fixed in stone, (actually, even it if were, you could chisel or grind or sand it away!) and the only point of no return is when you die - and even then, it's all about progress!
So think happy thoughts!