Spirituality and Cake

why the title, you ask? it's a line from a show that i'm sure you are all quite sick of hearing me talk about by now...
anyway, in the words of marie antoinette: let them eat cake!
i've come home to an empty house tonight. it's a slightly awkward feeling to come home and see this place that seems so small when it's populated.. and so massive when you're alone. but! i've manned the fort. and it's nothing that i haven't done before.. so bring on the saturday night blues.. alone.
a friend of mine told me today that if i can handle a 21 month old child, i can handle this.
interestingly enough, i wondered about that comment. he's right, in many ways, but the thing is that there's a difference between holding down a house, and playing with a kid, or putting that kid to sleep... (you really can't play with a house, or put it to sleep...)
heheh, that was a joke, people... laugh!
*sigh* no one ever laughs at my jokes....
see, the friday/saturday night blues are not exactly about being home alone, or about what you did that day (for example, i did actually GO OUT tonight.... to a friends place.. for a quiet night of movies and well, face to face conversation) but it's just about wanting to be doing something other than what you're doing.
anyway, i'm doing quite well at the moment... so many classes i could be studying for right now.. and i really am doing a great job of not doing any study! (as usual....)
ah, yes, my next question:
if you could fast forward to the future, would you?
i oftent think to myself, will i remember this moment, when such and such happens to me? and when i do, what will i think?
however, i've found that one often lives either in the past, present or future.... and i, too often, live for the future. ironically, it's those instances when i live for the present that make me happiest... then again, i end up replaying those moments far too often...
i've just realized that i've started to right complete crap, and in the worst order possible...
but then again, i can argue in my defence that i'm a feminist and this is stream of consciousness writing.. and i will NOT be tied down to a male form of thought organization designed to poison my creativity.
hahah, to those anti-feminists out there... i refuse to tell you which side i'm actually on.
ah, which brings me to my next point.
a few weeks ago, i was told, by a very candid, and well, good friend why i'm undateable. we were discussing the fact that in my circle of friends (which is slightly cross-continental), i find that the girls who are in sciences, head-strong, and smart seem not to have boyfriends... or even have guys that will consider her as a possibility.
anyway, this friend of mine, who is a true expert in such issues informed me that guys like girls who NEED them. he listed several other attributes that are characteristic features of yours truly... and explained why those specific traits would cause the demographic known as young canadian men to not even turn for a second look (i personally, think that in my case it has to do with the fact that there's not much to see... although, i know of one person who might think otherwise.... sigh...) anyway! so according to him, the damsel in distress/prince charming complex goes both ways.
i wonder, though, about how successful a relationship that depends on one person constantly providing for the other will be... think about it: what if the woman resolves the problem that mr. right was there for? should the couple keep on finding things to fix? and does this have any correlation to divorce rates and the demand for couples counselling and marriage self-help books?
anyway, it seems that i'm full of questions today....

i have a quotation for you:

"I don't believe I can create, but that I can be a channel for the Creative. I do believe in the Creator, and so in reality, this is His album, through me to you, with as little in between as possible on this media-conscious earth. As to what i should be called, I don't remember Him calling me anything in particular." - Keith Jarrett

*thanks luke ;)

and a good night to you all!