snow day? ...stress relief

you know, i go to lunch often in the cafeteria at STM, one of our catholic colleges (i believe we have more than one, no? i don't know...) at the u of s.. .and as i sit there, sipping my soup.. for their soup is so wonderful.... mmm.... soup....
anyway, there are always these little cards from some health group at school... (an affiliate of the USSU, i do not know...) you know, asking you how your menstrual cycle is going, whether you've got meningitis.. the usual... perhaps a costlysaurus or two in there....
this week: STRESS AND ANXIETY
do you feel stressed?
do you have troubles breathing? troubles focusing? studying?
etc....
let me just say, for the record.. i've only read stupider questions in my lifestyles class - do you feel suicidal? (hullo! do you really think i'm dumb enough to get myself landed in counselling???)
anyway, so the plan here is this:
you want stress relief? you feel like life is taking you under?
here are some real life solutions
1. do not, i repeat, do not go out and find yourself a significant other - this only leads to stress developing into hypertension. and trust me, you don't want hypertension at your age....
2. drink water - not coffee, kill the earl grey, and folks - alcohol... not the way to go (and i say this out of medical expertise... and well, concern.. heheh - i AM allowed that, right?)
3. focus on the end result - this is just a means to an end, remember? and you'll get through it!
4. a lot of other people are in the same boat - not exactly the same one (mine's ducttaped for example... so you wouldn't want to be in my boat, ya know?)
5. ah yes.... i've now lost my train of thought.... oh right: SLEEP (but only to be well rested...)

and with that in mind.... i should head it! it's like 1am. and i got a full day tomorrow... so much for taking my own advice (which i've totally plagiarized off a friend of mine who routinely has to give me stress-defibrillation....)
feel free to vent it all out here guys, just keep the language PG. :P

travel bug

so i watch way too much tv...
my question for the day is: what makes us want to travel? or not?

you know, it's funny... growing up the way that i have, i've always thought that everyone wants to travel - go places, not knowing what you're doing.... but as i've gotten older, and after having travelled, i've come to realize that this is not how the world works.

i met people in gib who hadn't crossed the border into spain, ever... never even hopped a ferry over to morroco.... (we're talking going from my house to like, warman - a full five minutes)... in SK it's the same deal... some people haven't left the province, or anything.. and i can understand perhaps the cost, or whatever.. but what gets me is the desire to leave... it's just not there!
that's fine, i mean, to each his own.. but i'm just trying to understand this phenomenon. for me, i think that travelling is about wanting to push back barriers... go beyond the status quo, and the thing is that there are many ways of doing that. perhaps that's what it is... for me, the only way i have left to push back at life is, well, this stupid blog, and making myself face things i've never faced before - as painful as that may be... and as horrible the consequences thereof.
i also think that it has to do with how much you want to question the world. (oh, right note: i don't travel for tourism.. i travel to learn the lifestyle... and seeing the odd historical museum or site doesn't hurt! :P )
so, after taking anthropology for example, i really have a different attitude about culture and how it's built and why we do things differently... in short, it's taught me how to question culture. my being a Baha'i has taught me to question everything in life period (the biggest principle in the Baha'i Faith is the independent investigation of truth - so finding things out for yourself - say hello to my reason for always having conversations that make everyone sleepy) and university - it's all about questions. teaches you how to ask them. (any kid who says that uni teaches the answers too is not thinking. you'll get some answers in science.. but they're always basic... my entire information transfer class consists of : it's been suggested that.... consider this... blah blah blah)
so i kinda see the travel bug as wanting to question life intellectually... that and damn, do i miss some of my friends!

hey! i do actually have some friends.. and the fact that they're not imaginary is proven from me having pictures! (NO i do not have an airbrushing program...)

so how do you see it? do you want to travel? and if so, why and when do you plan on going? and where to?
i have a few friends, who express a desire to travel, but are nervous bout going on their own (yes, by a few, i mean more than one)... and let me say, i've offered to take them along... even fly there and back with them so that they can have someone to go through customs with and navigate airports, whatever... and the answer's always: well, we'll see... my parents always said that.. and we'll see always meant: forget it.. but i'll be nice to you and let you dream.
well, to those friends, the offer's always open...
also, i think that some of you might get the impression that haji wants to up and leave SK all together. no, i said : travel.. that means go, and come back. i do love this place. and you know, the more i travel, the more i love it here... i have a lot of family overseas, and a few friends both out of province and overseas.... and they also say : we'll see.. but to coming here... think there's nothing to see in SK or in canada... it's their loss, quite frankly. i've seen sunrises and sunsets off the coasts of seven different countries... (coasts... like, next to a sea or ocean)... and i've seen a great many in lots of other places that are mainland.... nothing.. and let me repeat for clarity: nothing compares to the skies in SK. not all the green and blue of ireland (not even their leprechaun gold), or seeing the sun come up over the Mountain of God (see religious texts for locations... - it was spiritual, yes... magnificent, totally.... but it doesn't compare.. skies there and here are on two different levels).... in barcelona you can't ever see the sky.. and, well, shall i go on? i'd only be redundant if i did.
however, that being said, i still want to travel. it's like this: you know when you love something or someone... and you know it, but it's such a part of you that you'll joke and make fun of it... and you don't realize how much it means to you.... you leave... you'll know how much it meant to you. and you'll see all your faults and imperfections in all their glory.... i've never apologized to my parents so much as when i did when i was away from them (culture shock - if you're with friends, it won't be half so bad, i promise) . but it was necessary.
and you might be getting kinda scared or overwhelmed... reading me saying that travelling is this wonderful and horrible thing... and you might say, i'm not ready, i'm not this, i'm not that... let me ask you: are you ready for anything? really, are you? the exam this friday? the gig you play with mr. x at the fanciest club y in town z? or to put yourself on the line for that friend of yours? nah, forget it- you're not ready. you can't be. but sometimes, you just gotta sit back, and say, to hell with it - and as we used to say when we were kids, and life were simpler... ready or not, here i come!
and go.

writer's block... yet again!

whoever coined the term "writer's block" probably jinxed all future writers... (possibly with the exception of j.k. rowling.... although, she seems to be using her block as a means to kill off all her characters - don't be surpised if hp7 features harry on his death bed)
oh, right, to those of you who read a couple of posts that came up and disappeared again...
i was being inappropriate and insulting, and i definitely overstepped all the bounds of decency. to those involved (you know who you are), i sincerely apologize. and be assured, i have learnt my lesson....

to use a term coined by the person in question...
moving swiftly onwards....
writer's block.. yes... it's like freezing on air... cept for there's a lot more pressure on air... i should know, my friend sahar sat me down at a mic at the station... and i begged her not to put me on, sure enough, (i thought my ears were fooling me...) she turned on my mic and introduced me to whoever was listening (hopefully on that day, no one....) i literally froze.... funny, i can give talks in front of a couple hundred people, no problem... but this was an entirely different matter...
anyway, here i am... completely at a loss.... today was one of those blah days where you wake up knowing that you're not going to accomplish anything, so why the hell should you bother? yeah....

ah yes, let us discuss board games and how they set people on personal vendettas....
i hadn't see it since high school, but last night i had a very interesting experience. first of all, i nearly won at a board game (this never happens - i blame it on beginner's luck....) secondly, i got to witness people getting riled up over a little game! it was wonderful - let me say, i haven't laughed so much since... well... boy.. i can't even remember that far back!
on thing that struck me though, was this game my friend made up... (or maybe she didn't, but i'm pinning it on her) was "guess the emotion" - it was hilarious, she'd make faces (they were all the same... but don't tell her! she WAS trying to make them all different....)... but it was an interesting thing, because it reminded me of something another friend said to me last week "you can't just turn off your emotions, tahereh" she said... (not about me, if you know me, you'd know that even i realize that my emotions did not come equipped with an on/off button.... God, i blame that one on You!) and so when this other friend of mine was busy trying to switch from emotion to emotion, i was quite amused (also crying from laughing so hard....)
nevertheless, i wonder if it is possible to turn one's emotions on and off... it is possible to lie, even to oneself, about one's feelings... and you can "plan" (according to the self-help section, which is taking over the literature section of all bookstores... disgusting... and the minds of a few of my friends...) you can "plan" how you're going to get through the day.... *although, with that i disagree... but that's for reasons that most of you would curse me if i spoke of... yes, canada's biggest social taboo (other than discussing the fact that racism prevails) - God - no! i even typed it... phew.. don't kill me, guys!
but i do think it possible to turn emotions on and off... to love someone one day, and loathe them the next... we're creatures that are easily influenced by society, the people around us and our physical surroundings - not to mention our state of mind... i think this is how many of us sleep at night...
anyway, that's my little thought for today.. i've tired myself out. so i'm off to bed...

by the way... i realize that this has gotten way to stream of consciousness.... any ideas on how i can get back to structuring this all would be very much appreciated...

photos...

Me wearing someone's spectacles and in a wig... Also in my room... in case some of you were wondering what the INSIDE looks like... ehehe... actually, my wall looks quite empty.. but really there's a lot of stuff behind my head.. meh... oh, right, in case you were wondering why i'm wearing someone's specs and a wig... i plan on looking smart in uni.. i figure, if i look smart, i might be able to imagine myself into it! (yes, sahar, it IS possible!)

Saskatoon is hoarfrosty... this was taken from our kitchen window which opens onto the balcony.... i have some better photos elsewhere... i should go find them....

are we what we watch?

alright, so funny thought of the day: if we are what we eat, are we also what we watch?
sam and i were jokingly discussing this today... she was watching desperate housewives - a show that yes, i have tried to watch, but you know, with a title like that, i'm sorry, i really can't! so i said to sam: what you watch is a reflection of you!
we didn't discuss it much, which i attribute to how diverting desperate housewives is... that and, well, i mean, we're talking about sam... she can't really handle two things at once (now, can you sam? :P )
anyway! it's an interesting thought i think.... i mean, we definitely know that what you watch and listen to will affect you - but is it a reflection of yourself?
taking it one step further - could this be a reason why different shows wil appeal to you at different periods in your life?
i look at the different shows and characters that particularly appeal to me - and i do see that, to an extent. especially today. generally, these characters are the sarcastic, stubborn - single! - people in the shows... intelligent... yes, ironically only the first three are directly related to me... the intelligence part is why i talk to people like samira!
music wise - i think it's crucial to have different types of music set out to help you through different times. happy music for those happy days, break up music - to help you move on, content music - for when you're travelling through the roads from galway to the cliffs of moher... angry music - to make sure you don't punch out the wall and just sit and work through it instead...
that's right, music therapy is my true calling.... none of this pediatrician stuff!
in any case... my old high school english teacher maintained that the art that you surround you with is a reflection of yourself. his classroom was cluttered with the largest collection of stuff - for that is all you can really call it! - and it was true.. he was also full of stuff.... mostly very good stuff.. hehe...
think about it.. when you walk into someone's house, or get into their car.... that's the first thing you notice... what's on their walls? paintings? posters? are there books or magazines or journals on their coffee table? what about the bookshelf? poetry, essays, novels, religious works or textbooks? and where is that bookshelf located? what music is playing? do they discuss this all with you?
i did read a particularly good essay about music a while ago; however, in light of recent events, i will not be dissecting it for you. and it seems that i can't recall enough of it to summarize it for you, either... in any case... the author was discussing why certain music appeals to certain people.. and how it's pointless to debate the topic. however, i disagree. it's important to discuss these things because it is critical to who we are as people. the arts have this capacity to manipulate your basest emotions as well as the depths of your soul, and we need to be able to understand this better... then those youths who enjoy rock music will have a way to shut down their parents once and for all... plus, for those of us that don't drink - it's a non-mind altering way of killing the most brain cells!
in all seriousness, though...
art as a reflection of ourselves... true/false... i'd choose true
but then, you gotta ask yourself - should we count TV as an art form?

Poem of the Week

Pain

By: Rumi

Pain comes from seeing how arrogant you've been, and
pain brings you out of this

conceit. A child cannot be born until the mother has pain.
You are pregnant with real

trust. The words of the prophets and saints are midwives
that help, but first you must feel

pain. To be without pain is to use the first person wrongly.
"I" am this. "I" am that.

"I" am God, like al-Hallaj, who waited till that was true to
say it. "I" at the wrong

time brings a curse. "I" at the right time gives a blessing.
If a rooster crows early,

when it's still dark, he must have his head cut off. What is
this beheading? As one might

extract a scorpion's sting to save it, or a snake's venom to
keep it from being stoned,

headlessness comes from your cleansing connection to
a teacher. Hold to

a true sheikh. Strength will come. Your strength is his
gathering you closer. Soul

of the soul of the soul, moment to moment, hope to draw breath
from that one. No matter

how long you've been apart. That presence has no separation
in it. Do you want to understand

more about this friendship? Read the sura called Daybreak.

thoughts of the day...

you know, it's interesting - yesterday was friday the 13th... interestingly enough it turned out to be the most eventful friday the 13th of my life. to those who made it so - thanks. i'll definitely be unable to forget you now!

in any case, i've been sitting here reminiscing... cuz, well, that's what i'm best at, i guess, especially when i feel like being useful - but it's ok, don't worry! my mom will get home tonight and bring out the ol' persian mother's whip and i'll get a few red'uns on my back and be on m'way soon enough!
but while i'm reminiscing...
i was thinking about lauguage. i've been reading this book called Epistle to the Son of the Wolf - really good read, i recommend picking up a copy if you're interested in wolves at all.. and their children...
in any case, the author discusses how words are more powerful than weapons these days. it's quite an interesting concept... there is truth to it as well. we can think about it on the international scale - look at the revolutions of the past 100 years they all began and ended with words. (you can argue otherwise, i know, but consider politics - revolutions in most countries begin with certain charismatic individuals saying that they can do better than the current leader - when the revolution is over, that new leader will make promise after promise.... all words to subdue a people). think about our current elections here in canada. no longer do our leaders duel each other - but they debate and accuse and dance around truth... you'd think that if we really wanted our leaders to have to "keep their promises" we'd have created some kind of contract system.... but we hold them to their "word".
business these days is the same. when a consultant is hired, it's usually over a game of golf or a dinner meeting, and the two companies will "agree" without signing anything. and they're held accountable based on that verbal agreement.
the same when it comes down to individuals around us. why is it that when mr. x says something to mr. y about his mama, mr. y has to respond - fights might even break out! are you kidding?! that sounds kinda ridiculous, no? but it's the truth, and we all know that it's (well, a common joke) a matter of dignity.
and so i was thinking today, do we actually think about what we say to each other.. do we think about what that means and are we ready to be held accountable?
when i was in in gibraltar, one of my biggest problems was that my cousins and i had trouble understanding each other's language - we all speak english, but it was still difficult. and the reason is that words have different meanings, and a different level of importance based on where you come from. this makes sense; language and culture are inextricably intertwined. so when my friend sahar says : my, was the little guy chuffed - i had no clue what she was talking about.... chuffed? what, did he gain weight? no, he was pleased with himself.
now, let's think about this a little. if words are so important, then it must be equally important to choose them with care. now, sometimes, one might say something out of haste - i might yell at my father and tell him: who the heck do you think you are - as opposed to, dearest sir, please kindly inform me regarding your reasons for your statement... etc.
but then you have to wonder - if you make a mistake... be it a little one: get lost, as opposed to please excuse me, or a big one: you are a(n) [insert curse word here]... and you say the wrong thing.. or you say something without thinking... does that make it a lie?
or did you just make a blunder... and like most capitalists, believe that it will all right itself?
i'd take the blunder side, personally... but then... let's tweak this scenario a little.... what if it's something really stupid.. like telling a student that you'll help them.. always saying it. how long should you go on? knowing that you're never going to really do it... a month? two perhaps? three??
no sir... the second it goes from a blunder to a continued charade.. then it's a lie.

don't ya think?

THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Alrighty.. so I've decided that I should not say I'm going to write something... but rather write it right then...
So, here's to not bashing organized religion today... We'll do it some other time, don't worry.
But today, I've been thinking a lot about career choices. For us youth, this decision is often one that is quite stressful - and one that society stresses upon. (As opposed to, say, choosing a life partner.. which to me, is a far more important decision - but is portrayed as much easier to decide and accomplish, in general!). I daresay that this year is one of transition for many people that I know.
I think that with choosing a career, which often means going to university or some other source of post secondary education, we see it as "the long haul", a final decision... or "a point of no return". Yet, I can assure you that upper year students, and the staff (not faculty, there's a difference in attitude, trust me) at any such post secondary institution will treat it as trivial. Your teachers and profs will put pressure on you; however, when you go to see an academic advisor, not only do they not know (in general) what is going on, they also really couldn't care less.
Interestingly enough, most people will change careers repeatedly in their lives. As I was telling one friend today, you could get an undergrad in biology, and do your master's and up in something like human geography (true story). In our own Saskatoon Symphony, there are doctors that play in it! So really, life is not as hard set as we'd like to think it is.
Actually, one friend of mine is a real free spirit compared to me in this regard.... I asked him the other day why he's chosen that uni's not for him, and he says to me "maybe it is? who knows, for now I'm doing [insert something here]"... and he's happy doing it and doing quite well, far's I can tell. He's right, in many ways, because, being young, smart and quick on your feet means that yeah, if you decide next term to go become a rocket scientist you could probably do it if you wanted it enough!
Also, I've noticed that uni students, especially first years (of whom I was one, and perhaps with my level of naivete, I should still be counted as one), really have this arrogance about them. So when a person decides to take some time off school (which is quite common - we all need breaks from the Hell they call university), a first year's first thought is ha! You obviously can't handle it! Whereas a more thoughtful and wise thought would be hmm... That's a very wise decision, if that's what you need to do. For those of you who are not in university, perhaps I should explain. The academic world is somewhat like the wizarding world in Harry Potter - muggles really don't know what's going on in there... however, by the same token, wizards are usually idiots when it comes to normal stuff. Academia is very exclusive, quite arrogant (I can even SEE some of you sniggering at this, but don't lie to yourself: knowledge leads to arrogance; it must be tempered with humility, and humility is not something our society values let alone promote!), and extremely condescending. Granted, no matter what you do in life, because we're all so specialized, we like to use language that is inaccessible to others... But it's not right.
But I digress! First years.. yes, like I was saying: to you who still have your noses in the air about people who are not in university or uni students who take or have taken or will take time off - what goes around comes around, and you know what? I hope that you learn not to judge others one day.
And yes, that was me judging you. I haven't learnt THAT much in my short life. But I do try to exercise at least minimal amounts of tact.
In any case, the next time you find yourself or a friend making a decision, especially one that involves careers and/or finances, remember this: nothing is ever fixed in stone, (actually, even it if were, you could chisel or grind or sand it away!) and the only point of no return is when you die - and even then, it's all about progress!
So think happy thoughts!