Express YOUR Sexuality

hehehe, impressed? i learnt how to turn on the title feature!!!

well, let me begin my rant tonight by saying the following:
for those of you who i'm probably going to crush tonight, i apologize. but this is totally what i think, and since you so routinely ask for my opinion, i'm going to give it here and now. i am sincerely sorry for this... it is not my intent to say that any one belief is wrong (though if you want the truth, i suggest you look for it!), but to present another case...

some of my close friends have heard me say that i still go through culture-shock. in a country that i was born and raised in. how is this possible you ask? well, let me show you.
we live in a society that is permeated with the idea of freedom. since the start of the industrial revolution, everything that we have known to be true (this applies globally, don't worry!) has changed.
for the sake of this blog entry, and to maintain the current theme of this here blog.... let us focus on how sexuality and how we view sex has changed. with the rise of the flappers in the 20's, to the peak era of feminism in the 60's, and now, back to girls wanting to be traditional homemakers... (guys, you liked it all... how many of you DON'T get turned on by a girl that's "feisty"?) we've developed a society that boasts freedom of sex to the point where we not only eat and sleep it, we excrete it, as well! (no pun intended - for those of you sick enough to think of one)
ok, maybe i'm a bit too angry here... it's more frustration. let me give you some examples.

we've all heard about the whole "double standard" argument. i won't belabor it, but for those of you who are looking at your screen going "what the hell is she talking about" here :
if a guy sleeps around, he's "the man"; if a girl does, she's a slut. get it?

we've now gotten to the point in society where we see those who get married as traditional, old-fashioned people, and those who don't as progressive and forward-thinking. those who decide that they're "ready" (please, someone explain to me what that term means... i still cant' figure it out!) - for what, well, insert something here! - are indivduals who are in touch with their sexuality and are embracing their feelings. we consider those who decide not to have sex until marriage as suppressing themselves, and religious and well, i have heard the term "celibate" a few times... but those are priests (and only some of them at that!), people, not those who practice abstinence... look those words up!
i heard a guy tell a girl today, "well, he's a man, he's got to be coming to see her this weekend for a reason!" and he's right. for all that i tried to convince this poor girl that you know what, this one might be different... i can't.
and the reason come down to this: our society sees expression as action. some noticeable motion. what if the expression is a more general term?

don't like that line of argumentation?

fine, try this on for size: since when is it alright for us to judge a person who chooses to express their sexuality differently (no, i'm not talking only about homosexuals - i mean, someone who has a limit.. no matter where it is, on what they'll do with another) but not someone who decides to sow their proverbial oats? these terms, liberal and conservative... they're judgments and a form of prejudice, do you see?

a friend of mine, just to end off where i left last time... i was talking to her about the film wedding crashers.. cuz i liked it.. found it funny, someone witty and well, it's a love story, and i've become a sappy little girl since july.... anyway! she found it quite disgusting. hated how it was permeated with sex. and both these men are accepted and loved, and we find this funny and witty and brilliant! and yes, i realize that it's just a film... but it's a reflection of our society. and how disgusting is that?

well, to me: a heck of a lot!

but, i mean, who can blame us, right? chastity is a thing we think of only when we see an advert on a bus... and our only thoughts are "right... next?" in addition, society sees chastity and abstinence synonymously. let me review the definition of synonymous for you: the words have similar meanings, but are not interchangeable. to me, chastity involves abstinence, but goes beyond it. each individual will see how far beyond differently.. and well, how far i see it is a matter for me and well, any poor sap that comes my way...

since i hate the term dimension, i'll use it here....

another dimension of sexual expression lies in the relationship itself. the question here is: how much of an investigation of someone's character are you foregoing when you get physically involved? some might argue that you're getting to know the other person better. to those individuals: are you kidding me? you're merely trying to figure out how good they are in bed before you make a committment that you won't ENJOY! (and yes, that was me generalizing, and being judgmental... don't bother taking notes... you should know me better by now!)

a while ago, in a discussion with a friend, i was given some advice (along the lines of well, if you won't completely put out... you should at least.... well, we won't finish that sentence!) anyway, i was somewhat taken aback... i hope that my close friends can see my beliefs and understand my character enough to know that i will not change for anyone. however, i was recounting this experience to a friend of mine (who is, well, my spiritual twin), and i said at the end, "well, i suppose i should get used to it", and she replies: "no, you shouldn't have to get used to it, you deserve to get what you want, and what you want is to have a man who is on par with you, who understands where you're coming from, and is heading in the same direction as you are." those words really struck true for me, because that's what we all should have in life, right? someone who's at our level, understands us, and who's goals and ambitions you share.

i don't know. i could probably be way out in left-field (haha, HAD to throw in some BASEball... ouch... this is painfully bad... canadian humor, anyone?) and i could also, as usual, not be explaining myself properly... anyway, leave your thoughts... judge me as you will; i can take it, don't worry... and have a great day!!!

Well, Back to my Virtual Pensieve

Anyway, here I am again. I'm back at the computer screen to try and figure my thoughts out. And, well, force you people, who are kind enough to condescend to reading my blog, to wonder at my sanity.
Do you ever have one of those weeks where things just seem to end extremely well? I've had a week from Hell. Literally. The things and people that usually keep me going just weren't there... and I really just wasn't feeling it. Anyway, but looking back (never curse the watchmen!), I see that it's been an amazing week! Why? Well, I'm sure we'll find out soon enough!
In the meantime.... here are some thoughts
I watched the Wedding Crashers tonight. My brother and the Filson sisters (minus the eldest!) and I went out with the goal of going to Harry Potter 4... and found ourselves at the cheap seats watching an extremely obnoxious, sexually saturated, hilarious film... that brought back more memories than I would've liked... (this wasn't my first viewing of the film)
Anyway, what really struck me this time around was the concept of family that this film shows in the backdrop of a standard love story. For those of you who have not seen Wedding Crashers... look it up on google or something... I'm sure you can find a synopsis somewhere... Anyway, the family in question is the Cleary family (wealthy, American... the family of our heroine). They are so dysfunctional that it is unreal. Yes, I realize that it's a comedy... but let me finish! (Sam, don't click the comment button just yet!) Right... back on track: the grandmother is crazy - she's all sweet on the outside and old and bitter on the inside.... swears and is crazed and the like! (much like a teenage boy--it's just that when it's gramma we get shocked!) Anyway, the dad has something to do with finance in the government... extremely powerful... the mom is, well, looking to have fun (for those of you who liked Jane Seymour as Dr. Quinn "medicine woman", I suggest NOT watching this film). And the kids... well, the kids... let's see... 3 girls, 1 boy. Eldest gets married (that's the wedding that gets crashed) - so we don't really see her much, except to know that her wedding is exceptionally cheezy! (I hope that I'm NEVER my husband's first mate, and he my captain!) The other two daughters.. one is our heroine, and the other is a sex crazed lunatic who enchants our hero's best friend... and the son? Well, crazy, teen-aged, homosexual artist... need I say more?
And, yet, with all this... I wonder, exactly how odd is this all-American family? We all have that crazy uncle or aunt... and family members that we just plain ol' regret to have blood ties to... and grandparents that our parents try to keep quiet at the dinner table so that we kids would still learn the meaning of respect... maybe not to the extreme as presented in this film... since, well, comedies are virtual caricatures of awkward situations... but really think about it...
And, going back to the love story part of it (I really should stop watching these films...) anyway.... how odd is it to meet someone and fall in love with them within a short while? Or know, at least, that you're going to?
For that matter, what is love? (age old question, I know... but I wouldn't mind your input!)

On an competely other note... I've been wondering (I hate social sciences, but Hell! they're getting me to psychoanalyze every little thing in my life...) about this amazing piece of technology called the internet (Sahar, if you're reading, now would be the place to stop... You'll only roll your eyes at the rest of this and I want to save you the pain and energy - hey, what are friends for if not that?). Anyway, I have a lot of friends that I have not seen, literally since I met them. It's a side-effect of travelling and being a Baha'i. These things happen! Well, so as of late, it's been really disconcerting for me to maintain these friendships in this way. I'll give you an example. It's possible now, using msn, skype or countless other internet messaging programs... to have free voice conversations.. so forget text messaging... you can actually talk to people, internationally or domestically, just by having a good internet connection! And, if you have one, you can add webcam to that, too... and then actually see the other person.... In addition, you can exchange music, email, discuss whatever (for example, Thursday evening found me looking up French words for a friend that lives in London, Ontario), while doing all these things.. so sometimes, the discussion groups that I hold at my house, I'll discuss and plan with a friend who lives miles away... This is nothing new to any of us, right?
Well, see, fine.. but how are the members of such a culture affected? That same friend who I was looking up french words for... when I went to get my dictionary from the shelf.... I wanted to physically pass her the book! At school, I look over my shoulder, or I see someone or something... and I have the impression that so-and-so is over there... I know it's crazy... but think about it this way... I have the most intense and fun conversations ever, over the net... I can plan whole events with someone who won't probably won't ever be able to attend the product of their work... and one of my closest friends will tutor me in physiology the night before an exam.... but I can't have coffee with any of these people. But it feels like they're right there...
This puts a whole new spin on virtual reality, eh?

Anyway, those were my thoughts of the day... why don't you leave yours?

Spirituality and Cake

why the title, you ask? it's a line from a show that i'm sure you are all quite sick of hearing me talk about by now...
anyway, in the words of marie antoinette: let them eat cake!
i've come home to an empty house tonight. it's a slightly awkward feeling to come home and see this place that seems so small when it's populated.. and so massive when you're alone. but! i've manned the fort. and it's nothing that i haven't done before.. so bring on the saturday night blues.. alone.
a friend of mine told me today that if i can handle a 21 month old child, i can handle this.
interestingly enough, i wondered about that comment. he's right, in many ways, but the thing is that there's a difference between holding down a house, and playing with a kid, or putting that kid to sleep... (you really can't play with a house, or put it to sleep...)
heheh, that was a joke, people... laugh!
*sigh* no one ever laughs at my jokes....
see, the friday/saturday night blues are not exactly about being home alone, or about what you did that day (for example, i did actually GO OUT tonight.... to a friends place.. for a quiet night of movies and well, face to face conversation) but it's just about wanting to be doing something other than what you're doing.
anyway, i'm doing quite well at the moment... so many classes i could be studying for right now.. and i really am doing a great job of not doing any study! (as usual....)
ah, yes, my next question:
if you could fast forward to the future, would you?
i oftent think to myself, will i remember this moment, when such and such happens to me? and when i do, what will i think?
however, i've found that one often lives either in the past, present or future.... and i, too often, live for the future. ironically, it's those instances when i live for the present that make me happiest... then again, i end up replaying those moments far too often...
i've just realized that i've started to right complete crap, and in the worst order possible...
but then again, i can argue in my defence that i'm a feminist and this is stream of consciousness writing.. and i will NOT be tied down to a male form of thought organization designed to poison my creativity.
hahah, to those anti-feminists out there... i refuse to tell you which side i'm actually on.
ah, which brings me to my next point.
a few weeks ago, i was told, by a very candid, and well, good friend why i'm undateable. we were discussing the fact that in my circle of friends (which is slightly cross-continental), i find that the girls who are in sciences, head-strong, and smart seem not to have boyfriends... or even have guys that will consider her as a possibility.
anyway, this friend of mine, who is a true expert in such issues informed me that guys like girls who NEED them. he listed several other attributes that are characteristic features of yours truly... and explained why those specific traits would cause the demographic known as young canadian men to not even turn for a second look (i personally, think that in my case it has to do with the fact that there's not much to see... although, i know of one person who might think otherwise.... sigh...) anyway! so according to him, the damsel in distress/prince charming complex goes both ways.
i wonder, though, about how successful a relationship that depends on one person constantly providing for the other will be... think about it: what if the woman resolves the problem that mr. right was there for? should the couple keep on finding things to fix? and does this have any correlation to divorce rates and the demand for couples counselling and marriage self-help books?
anyway, it seems that i'm full of questions today....

i have a quotation for you:

"I don't believe I can create, but that I can be a channel for the Creative. I do believe in the Creator, and so in reality, this is His album, through me to you, with as little in between as possible on this media-conscious earth. As to what i should be called, I don't remember Him calling me anything in particular." - Keith Jarrett

*thanks luke ;)

and a good night to you all!

Well, Sam has questioned my previous comment about science as a proof of God--she wants me to "expand on that". To do this topic justice, I will postpone my response to after December 17th, at which point, feel free to send me obscenely long emails about whatever... Because I'll have the time to respond! *cue maniacal laughter*
Anyway... I have more thoughts that I feel like writing out...
ok, i'm done with this whole "grammar" thing...
anyway, i watched monster-in-law last night. and, i'm embarrassed to admit this next part.... and bride and prejudice. that's right! i, tahereh haji, did watch a pointless movie... i do it far too often and ENJOY IT!
so what's struck me about both these films (and well, classics such as pride and prejudice... sigh... oh, mr. darcy...) is the idea of mothers as hindrances to marriage. (i apologize for my choice in topic, sahar, i swear to you i won't go along my usual line of thought)...
i mean, monster-in-law is just amazing... the stuff that that woman does to her future daughter-in-law... and you know, while it is an exaggerated story, it does present a certain truth. numerous women, well and men that i have spoken to have recounted the same story. mothers are especially worried that their sons are unhappy with their women. it's a complex that goes back to jocasta herself.
again, my question is why. to me, it comes down to jealousy... although i can swear to you that most mothers probably do not hope to be the woman that their sons sleep with... it's more a want of attention. but why from the son and not the daughter?
the same applies to friendships. the whole "you're stealing MY friend" complex. why is there an expectation that if someone new enters a person's life, someone will be pushed away?
for that matter... what about the "third wheel" syndrome. at least from a girl's perspective... i wonder: does a part of a girl's relationship with her best friend die when she finds herself a boyfriend? or does that just give them something new to talk about? (hehehe, i've been watching too much sex and the city!) and does that relationship death summate? so that with each new boyfriend more and more of the friendship atrophies... and then if they're both dating... (haha, i'm enjoying this a tad bit too much... probably because i'm listing to bohemian rapsody....)
and the visualization for this one is particularly interesting....
ok, well, moving on now...
let me just add: being on one's own (at home alone, that is) is fricken amazing!
ah, yes, i suggest that if you kids have time on your hands, and want to learn about the world (we canadians arrogantly think that we know everything bout everything... granted we know more than the smartest american... but we're still quite stupid... trust me. i've travelled and i've learnt a lot since i came back... don't get it? ASK!)
www.denial.bahai.org